I truly appreciate the privilege of reaching out through this medium. I’ve come to realize the practicality of biblical wisdom in matters of daily human issues. Scriptures says, the best don’t always get the best (paraphrase of Ecclesiastes 9:11).
I don’t know why, but am drawn to talk on family and relationship. The common parlance is that, “love is blind,” so I guess some wise experienced folks just added that, “but marriage is the eye opener.” Just like in child care and upbringing, the new born baby at birth whether of man or animal (especially the domestic ones like dog and cat that we are more at home and familiar with), is assumed not to see well or partially blind. However, the more they progress along the growth curve the more they see and that’s when trouble starts.
The newborn begins to relate with the new environment and discovers it’s quite unlike the former comfort of the mother’s porch and that’s when all hell is let loose and seemingly unnecessary, unprovoked and irritating high pitch crying begins. You wonder why, it also wonders why not. You can’t comprehend or understand why every inconvenience must result to crying, but the baby can’t understand why not.
Growth signals are many and they manifest at different stages of growth with diverse colorations; you can’t always be sure what a signal indicates until you probably investigate. Also, in marriage relationship unlike any other relationship, those relating ought to be alert to growth signals and to correctly interpret them so the correct, positive and timely course of action might be pursued. Ignorance of this has led to either divorce (which I strongly believe could be done without) or a stifled relationship; a hell on earth.
Couples no matter how old and for how long we’ve been married must pay attention to growth signals because they make or mar. We must understand that the moment we start to realize we are in a new environment once we contract marriage, we must be observant enough to correctly decipher the signals as they occur. Marriage to me is a willful submission and registration into a change program—growth. Change is growth and growth is change and we need to see it as simple as that. You can't be married, desire happiness and happenings, yet detest change or adjustment.
As we progress in our relationship, we begin to see and discover things about our spouse that our eyes had been blind to because of the love that consummated the relationship into marriage. Once the spell of love begins to wane and wear and you begin to get back into reality, you begin to dig below the surface of your spouse, scratching and unearthing attitude and character you could have sworn never existed in your lovely spouse. And that’s when the challenge begins.
The contentions that ensue from these things you begin to unearth are mere growth signals which if handled right will lead to a miracle; newness and a level of intimacy and understanding which otherwise may have remained elusive had the disagreement and conflict not ensued. It is pertinent that we understand that in relationship, we must always look forward to disagreeing to agree, after all, we’ve had our individual lives for as little as more than two decades (twenty years) before deciding to come together in marriage. And I learned it takes twenty-one days to form a habit and old habits die hard. So, what do you say about a habit; a way of life of twenty something glorious years?
If you believe your spouse is the problem and he/she needed to urgently change, you are grossly misled. In actual fact, while you think your spouse need to change, the truth may be that he/she has been the same ever since you got married, but you have been undergoing change in a way and at a degree and in a direction causing unrest in your relationship. Any strain in your relationship if positively analyzed and correctly evaluated either by yourselves or through the help of counselors, will reveal the awesome truth that, there is no cause for conflict but these are just signals of a healthy growth in your relationship.
