One day, he was gone ... vanished ... disappeared ... dropped off from the face of the earth. It was so sudden that it left me in denial for weeks. No phone calls, no emails, no text messages. Nothing to explain to me why he could do this to the person who loves him. I tried everything to contact him but he never answered any of my calls or text messages. I waited the whole afternoon for his calls, left my computer on all day just in case he IM’s me or sends me an email so I would be able to reply instantly—but still nothing. I thought and believed he would call me that day or the days after but this went on for a month. The only confirmation I had that he was still alive was one text message saying that he was “Sorry but I’m not deliberately ignoring you. I have done nothing but work. I will call you soon.” He never did.
I keep replaying in my head what had just happened between us. A month before he disappeared just right after Valentine’s Day, we were planning a wedding. My mom suggested I look at venues and caterers (he lives in another country) and when I found the perfect place, I emailed him all the details and he seemed fine with it, but not overly excited. I told him we need to put a down payment so we can have the venue and the date reserved for us. My mom paid for the down payment, with the understanding that he would be helping out with the wedding costs. I explained to him that in our culture (I’m Filipino), it was traditional for the groom or the groom’s family to shoulder the wedding costs. But I assured him that me and my family would share the costs and I didn’t plan a big wedding, just a decent ceremony and reception. However, when his mother found out that he was going to pay, she was livid, saying that he was being bullied to pay and all of it was unfair. At first, he defended me, but I too was getting tired of being criticized by his parents and even my own family, so I said some hurtful words at him (like I told him he didn’t have the balls to stand up to his parents). He then said that our issues were affecting his work and he said that he doesn’t want to deal with the wedding or me at the moment. He never even apologized to my mom ... or even thanked her after all the help that she gave him and he suddenly just left all the obligations we had over here, such as our contract for the venue and the deposit we would never get.
It wasn’t the first time he had hurt me. When I visited him at his house during my vacation, I found out from his passport that he went to the Philippines and visited a girl he used to have a fling with. He also gave her and her family money because he felt sorry for them. He claims to be “cutting ties.” He never told me about this and did not even visit me. He apologized and I accepted his apology. A week later, I found out that he went to Thailand without telling me and even saw photos of him kissing girls over there. I was shocked and devastated ... the betrayal of my trust and my perception of him totally changed. He claims that he was “just being free” and he found them “cute.” I asked him if he had sex with any of those girls but he claimed that “I’m not stupid enough to sleep with them and risk my health.” I replied “That’s the only reason why you didn’t have sex with them? Your health? What about ME? Did you think about your girlfriend when you were kissing them?” He never replied.
I truly did love him and I took him back. He promised he would make it up to me and never hurt me again. Little did I know that he was the one person who would break me into a million pieces and shatter all my dreams for a future with him. I had quit my position as a resident in one of the most prestigious hospitals in the Philippines so I can prepare to live with him in the US. He was supportive of my decision but I never held him responsible for my actions and told him that it was 100 percent my decision. My family would criticize him everyday but I defended him all the time, to the point where my sister told me to stop making excuses and face it as it is. But he never thought about everything that I would give up to be with him.
I cried.
