As she walked through the park, bare footed, her thoughts wandered around about all kind of stuff. She thought about her past, her kids, husband, and her future. All seem shaky at this point, but deep inside the need to unwind and move forward tickled her in her stomach. Carla was a strong willed woman, with many ideas. She decided that morning to take a walk and sort out her thoughts. She knew that at a point she would have to take a decision about her life, and her future. She called upon her neighbor to keep an eye on the boys in order for her to settle her racing mind. She has been troubled all week. So many things were scrambled in her mind. She needed to think and reload. She walked slowly following the rhythm of the wind and the melody of the birds. The beauty of nature always left her out of breath. It was unthinkable that such a beautiful creation was being destroyed.
When Carla arrived near the picnic area, she sat on the grass, took off her hat and watched. She wasn’t watching anything in particular; the green view seemed to calm her apprehension. She was constantly afraid of the future. Some days were better than others. Today was just one of those where she wasn’t sure things would work out. All the problems arouse at once in her head and at that point she was ready to run away from it all. Only one reason why she was still keeping a minimum of sanity: her kids. She knew if she went crazy or even died, she would have no idea what would happened to them. While thinking about it she could not find the strength to make the step she knew would take her far away from it all. Every time she looked at her children’s face, her heart melted and for a quick second she thought about fighting the battle of life just for the sake of her boys. And then for a few days she would have an army of strength just to realize a couple of days later that it was all unreal. Life was unreal to her. Unreal, and, horrible. She could not determine why she felt it was so horrible for she had a wonderful husband, three beautiful boys, a house, a job she loved. She just could not stick happiness in this picture. It seems as though she was always struggling for something she needed. Money, a job, a hug, a kiss, peace of mind it never stopped. Inside she felt empty and lost. Another thing that always hurt her very deep was the carelessness of her family. Brothers and sister, in-laws or outlaws, (she liked to refer to them as that). Many times she thought about all the things she would love to do with them and how naturally she would enjoy spending time with these people she silently grew to hate. Actually, she didn’t hate them per se, but loved them too much.
On those days when food was a luxury for her family, she would feel the urge to beat them with a stick on their head and ask them, “What do I mean to you?” “How could you sit at your table and eat a whole plate of chicken and rice while, I, your flesh and blood, is living off water and seldom solids?” And as her sad days went by, she thought herself how to forget about them and accept their attitude. The rare time they bothered to call, she was cold and hard to them. She had planted the tree of distance in her heart. Since then it grew and could no longer be cut down. She learned to be a hypocrite and Lord knows how she despises that weakness. She hated laughing or even talking to them knowing that no positive vibes was flowing. Her heart was just shredded paper and her soul spoiled milk.
