Three years ago, I decided to go ahead and try to seriously date someone. It went well for a while, but then things got strange. Our insecurities led to our own sabotage of our relationship. As of the moment that I’m writing this, the relationship still exists, but I am watching it crumble around me. It saddens me as we truly mesh.
Either way, the reality is that this will soon be over. I will be very surprised if it turns out otherwise. So, in planning for my future, I’ve begun to weigh my options.
I am thirty-eight years old. I am also a single mother to a wonderful ten-year-old who is my reason for being. Even in the rough times, I know that she is my purpose. It’s a struggle trying to raise her. She was a preemie and is borderline autistic. She may have some other issues in the social and emotional areas, but we’ve learned to cope, she and I. She is highly intelligent and absolutely wonderful, but it breaks my heart to watch as she struggles to comprehend how to interact with nonfamily members around her. Her frustration level often reaches a boiling point and her temper flares. I’ve looked for methods to help her with this.
The latest of these is enrolling her in Tae Kwon Do. Those who have seen her temper, which is actually more like confusion as to how to handle a situation, question whether my enrolling her in martial arts is wise. They feel that I am training her to be a deadly weapon and, paired with the temper, dangerous. Instead, I am trying to instilll respect, responsibility, pride, confidence and learned tolerance of that which she cannot control. Either way, I love her, I need her and she is my everything. We have many problems, and I frankly don’t know if I am raising her right, but there is no one to help me, hold my hand and guide me. Her father is completely useless and still talks to her like she’s five. He doesn’t have the patience and understanding to help me raise her. Even worse, he doesn’t have the desire to learn. He loves her, but I think he views her as an inconvenience in his life.
