Ex Googling

When past relationships should stay in the past.

Don’t tell me you haven’t done it.

Placed those fingers on the computer keys, heart racing, and typed:

J … O … S …

You’ve googled your ex.

It even sounds salacious, doesn’t it?

At some point, don’t we all wonder, whether we loved them, hated them, broke their hearts, or had ours broken, what he’s been up to? Wondered how many kids he has? Wondered if he’s thought of you? And come on, if you haven’t thought, “I wonder if his wife is fat?” then you should stop reading this now, because clearly, you are too good of a person to be googling your ex.

I, however, am not.

So, you’ve googled an ex, maybe you found his e-mail address, and maybe your stomach churns a little with the wonder of it all. I know where he is. Maybe the thought that you can drive by his house, check to see if there’s a Big Wheel or a dolly stroller in the driveway excites you a little bit? You could do that, right? That wouldn’t be illegal or anything, would it?

So, one day, maybe, you’re mad at your husband, and you say “screw it” and then e-mail the ex.

And then, three days later, you get a message back from him.

And you kind of freak, but you’re also kind of excited, in that “He asked me to prom, but I know he smokes pot” kind of excitement, like you want to go to prom with him, but you know it would be bad news.

Because you’ve just had your third kid, and you’re feeling kind of frumpy, and you’re postpartum, but you e-mail back: “Hey there! I’m totally great! Happily married with three beautiful, healthy kids! How are you?”

The e-mail dance continues. You’re getting to the point where the dance chaperones would come and hold a ruler between the two of you, to make sure the distance was safe. It’s getting unsafe at this e-mail dance. And the songs are the songs from back then. You know them. I don’t need to tell you what songs they are. We all have them. The ones that make us remember those moments.

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03.15.2009
Nina kurgoy
wow! this spells me....very funny and true! Nina.
Liked the story!!!!
03.14.2009
Juniper
Hey... when were you a fly on my office wall? I did that and sometimes still do to see how many kids they're up to. I think his wife is very attractive and their family 'cute'. He's gotten a little bit chubby over the years (as have I). The kicker? When I did email and he didnt recognize my last name despite the fact that he emailed me 2 years prior out of the blue to confirm I was who I was, but married. I think that was a good sign to move on. I have. I'm married-happily. But there's something about that 'one that got away' that makes you wonder, "what if?" Great article and you describe many of us.. especially those who dont own up to it.
10.01.2008
sk88tergirl
It's funny, but I have been experiencing this very thing for about 2 or 3 weeks now. I was in a relationship that I held in very high regard and it was ended by him - to be with another woman. I was devastated and really don't feel like I am still totally "recovered" from that experience. Recently, I have begun looking online for any sign of him. I know that that it a mistake; I am in a good relationship now, and I don't want to lose what I have. Still, I am curious.........and jealous. I wonder what was so wrong with me? I guess I will never really know........
09.16.2008
VibeReview
One of my good friends did exactly what you described. Step-by-step. Just to get an idea of what she might be missing out on - or to find out it was for the best, the breakup. Well, wouldn't you know it: she ended up knocking on his door, he was recently divorced, and now they've been together for two years. I also have a guy friend who tried the same thing. Didn't work out so well for him. She viewed his actions as an invasion of privacy. I suspect it's one of those situations in which if both individuals still think about one another, such an advance would be welcomed. If the relationship soured for one but not the other - well, chances are you will forever be known as a stalker.
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