Ever heard the term “chameleon” when it comes to relationships? Most of us have been in a chameleon situation before: he likes the Rolling Stones, you become a huge fan (even though you’ve always preferred the Beatles); she loves Korean food, you can’t stand it but decide Kimchi is your absolute favorite; and so on. You take on clothing, music, food, sports, even behaviors and overall lifestyle attributes, simply because your significant other does. Bottom line: like a chameleon, you change who you are, at least on the outside, to please someone else.
Sometimes, you realize you are so in love with someone that you’ve become completely dependent on them, losing your own identity to an extent. So much so, that when the relationship ends, whether as a breakup or a divorce, you begin to question yourself, your choices, and your future—since, what future is there now anyway, without your ex?
The thought of starting over is a daunting task—full of insecurity, doubt, and stress. Don’t let these feelings shatter what’s left of your self-confidence. The four phases of bouncing back begin with releasing the negative energy you have within, channeling it instead into getting excited about a clean slate, a fresh start, and the phoenix you will become as you rise from the ashes of a broken relationship and start to rebuild.
Celebrate this resurgence with a self-reinvention—find your true core values, your inner strength, and bring them back to the forefront of who you are. Based on stories from BounceBack members, one of the key things that heartbroken people forget about most during a breakup is to take care of themselves. Spend time focusing on and reinventing yourself—you deserve it.
When you’re ready for your “phoenix moment” after your heartbreak, here are seven helpful tips on how to reinvent yourself.
Focus on your health. Not only will you look better, you’ll feel happier. Improved self-esteem is a key psychological benefit of regular physical activity. In addition, healthy eating improves overall health and helps your skin glow. Who wouldn’t want these benefits? Start a workout routine pronto, and make a healthy-foods-only trip to the grocery store!
Get a makeover. Sometimes we just want to do something that changes us instantaneously. A hairstyle, hair color, or makeup technique can help make you feel like a new person - and it only takes a few hours! Be adventurous and try something different—a fresh look may help unveil a side of you that you never knew.
Get creative. Take up a new hobby, or reconnect with an old one. We bet in all your lovesickness that you forgot about your knack for whipping up a fabulous meal, or that you put your old black and white camera and print paper in storage. Photography, art, and cooking are a few great examples - anything that lets you get in touch with your creative side. On top of the emotional release, your confidence will rise as you’re reminded of your talents.
Work it. Think about a career change. Don’t necessarily quit a good thing, but think about a way to reinvent yourself at work. Ask for that promotion you deserve. Get involved in a mentor program. Or, outside of your existing job, take on a side project—start that book you’ve wanted to write or create a local arm of your favorite volunteer/charity organization. It doesn’t have to be a mass undertaking to feel the benefits of reinvention.
Branch out. Try a new neighborhood or, at least, new spots when you go out. If you’ve hit the same bar more than three times this month, this one’s for you. Create a wine or dinner club with friends that aims to hit the newest places. Shake things up—head to the jazz club instead of the same old local spot. There’s nothing like a place you’ve never been to make a brand new first impression.
Freshen up. Good hygiene is a must, but we mean your wardrobe. It’s called “retail therapy” for a reason—a heartbreak is a great excuse for some therapeutic shopping. Don’t blow your budget, which you’ll regret, but look to accessories that make a statement or a new pair of amazing shoes to start. If you’re a guy, go out of your comfort zone—try the pink shirt instead of blue!
Network. If you stick around the same people all the time, how will you ever meet anyone new? Of course, it’s important to stay close to your current friends, but meeting new people will open up new opportunities in work, life, and potentially love. Host a party at your home or a fun bar and tell each friend to bring one or two people that are new to the group. Good for you and everyone else as well.
The sooner you begin to take care of yourself, find your identity again, and focus on bringing YOU back to the forefront, the sooner you’ll be ready for the final phase of getting over a heartbreak—bouncing back and moving forward to the great future that awaits you!
Originally published on BounceBack