I wrote a book earlier this spring. It was a huge triumph for me. It’s a story about my life and the survival of living in an abusive marriage. I dug out all the bad memories, cried many a nights remembering. One incident triggered another and another. The hurt was still there, even though it had been a few years. My therapist said I had PTSD. I had no idea! That was something that my son would have from being in Iraq, is what I thought anyways. Why would she say that I had that? Well, it was trauma that I lived through. Every single day, it never stopped. Of course, there were good days and worse days. But the daily routine was unknown. Never knowing what was coming next!
But . . . I survived it! I am here! I am standing on my own two feet! I am not leaning on anyone! I did it! For the first time in my life, I feel strong, I feel in control, I feel pretty darn good! The freedom that I feel everyday, is wonderful! It took me forty years to get here. It was quite a haul, it was a marathon that I did finish. And the climb to the top was worth the wait!
My boys are grown and living out on their own, however the cards were dealt, they got there. What they have been through makes them the people they are today. Strong, just like their mother. They are survivors, just as I am. I am so proud of them. They were my saving grace so many times. My guardian angels, truly more times than I would like to count. Just because they shouldn’t have been there to see it.
I have moved into my own apartment. For the first time ever in my life. It is just me and my little baby, a Shih Tzu. He is there ready for love and companionship, loyally and unconditionally. I haven’t been out on my own for very long, but the feeling is really wonderful! I have a new found freedom, independence, courage...I can do whatever I feel like doing, whenever I feel like doing it. I don’t have to watch what someone else wants to watch on tv. If I feel like laying on the futon and reading all day on Saturday, HEY, I CAN! Cause it’s my “pad!” My LIFE! My choices to choose! MINE! Not living under someone else’s controlling hands. Getting up everyday and enjoying life.
That in itself, is a new beginning. I never used to want to see the sunrise, I wanted to close my eyes and never open them again. But, tragedy turns to triumph! I’m here and I want my eyes open, wide open and not miss a thing! Because every day is precious, and should be cherish, you never know if you will get the chance to enjoy it tomorrow.
