Why couldn’t you have let me be?
I was happy today. At work I chatted, joked, and hung out with the “fellas.” When it was time to go home, I gathered my things, purse, phone, lunch bag, and headed out the door smiling.
Driving home I popped in some U2 and felt . . . happy.
When I got home and started putting my stuff away, I noticed two text messages on my phone. Hmmmm . . . ?
I checked, and they were from “you.”
No! It can’t be, I thought as I opened the messages.
I haven’t heard from him in months.
The first one asked, “Am I that bad?” I frowned.
The second said “You are the only one I trust.”
What the hell?
Then it dawned on me. He sent these texts to me by mistake. His girlfriend’s name begins with “s,” just like mine. What an idiot!
I responded to the second text saying, “I think you accidentally sent this to me.”
Your reply, “No, I did send it to you.”
“You’re having relationship problems . . . again?” I said.
“No, I’m not,” you said. Followed by, “It’s just that she’s just so . . . blah, blah, blah.”
Why am I always the “go to” girl? Why am I always ol’ faithful.
I listened to you. I expressed my sympathy to you for your troubled relationship with a woman you hooked up with less a month after we separated (or was it before we separated, I don’t know).
Then, I listened to the “I love you’s” and the “I miss you’s” and the apologies for treating me so badly all those years we were together; and the “I’d take you back in a heartbeat.”
NO! Don’t you realize, I can’t get back together with you. I won't!
Don’t you know I am happy now. I am at peace with myself and my life. My shoulders have finally come down to the spot they are supposed to be instead of being all bunched up near my ears with stress.
NO! I don’t miss you.
When I don’t talk to you, I am better.
When I talk to you, I’m not.
When I talk to you the tension builds up in my shoulders again and I am stressed. When I talk to you I can’t think straight.
When I talk to you, I cry afterwards.
I am sorry things aren’t working out for you in the way you planned. I am sorry the honeymoon is over already with a woman you have only known a few months. I am sorry, but I can’t fix you. I tried that. You need something more than what I can give and I need something much more than you.
Without you I am finding that there is something more. Without you I am better.
But there is one thing I do need from you; one thing that will help me, with you.
I need you to let me be.
