With television commercials, magazines, and fairy tales what is a woman to do besides fill her mind with the unexpected? As most of us girls imagined marriage was a destination; often a dream of “the perfect romance,” “preserving the sanctions of marriage vows,” and “growing old with one another,” right? Well, in some cases many of you are totally blessed. Let me say it to you load and clear: congratulations if you are married to a wonderful man, who (1) doesn’t’ cheat of you, (2) has a heart of gold, (3) comes home at a reasonable hour,(4) looks you straight in the eyes and whispers the words “I love you,” (5) helps you complete the household chores, (6) helps with the children, (7) doesn’t curse at you or call you names, (8) comforts you when sickness suddenly strikes, (9) actually likes to accompany you to the doctor’s office, beauty shop, grocery store, etc., (10) and last but not least, believes in God . . .
Well ladies, what do we really crave as a young adults in search for the perfect man? Only we know the desires of our hearts, but do we really? Oh my heavens, the statement of “mother knows best” is ringing a bell right at this moment and it is loud and clear. If I would have listened to my mother many many years ago at the age of eighteen, my life would have turned out differently, most likely not having to deal with the “previous nightmare” as I still do today. Life lessons are the number one teacher you will ever have that will give you instructions after the mess up happens. Here it goes ladies, listen up. Here is an example of my “previous nightmare.” Long story short, I was eighteen years old, the guy was twenty-six years old. He was cute (at the time); he could talk the talk and walk the walk, so he thought. I was too young and inexperienced, but I fell for his trap. We had two children, or should I correct that previous statement, I had the two children. He felt it was necessary to have other ladies accompany him when I was home tending to our household. I never could understand why other women’s husbands were beating on our front door during the late evening looking to speak with my former husband. Yes, there was always a good excuse from him trust me. After fifteen years of abuse, more than I would like to share, I had a gift from God. Forgive him, time to move on!
I did and have not looked back ever since. I am still battling the issues of child support owed, medical bills he is still half responsible for, and from time to time, the abusive and threatening words from him and his wife(the one he was having an affair with at the time our second son’s birth was going on). Yes ladies, he was late getting to the hospital because lunch with the mistress was much more important.
I stayed single for ten years after our divorce, dated here and there, had one serious relationship in which trust became an issue, so I left the relationship and I was truly afraid of the words, commitment, marriage, and trust. Now, can you blame me? I was not, by all means, the “perfect mom,” but I tried very hard, I worked hard at my job (and sometimes had more than one), I tried to finish college (but could not afford it); however, my children did come first. I did without so my children could eat nutritional meals, have appropriate clothing, live in a home full of love and security.
As the years progress I look back at situations that scared me to death; but now I say “bring it on, I am stronger, wiser, and forgiving of much.” But don’ t get me wrong, sometimes I do still get scared, upset, worry, and wonder, why did this happen to me? Dwelling on the past is not a healthy lifestyle; it only brings heartache, so I just look forward to every day that I am blessed that God gifted me “our” children and realize my “previous nightmare” has turned dreamy. Let me explain:
I have the wonderful blessing of a man who (1) doesn’t’ cheat on me, (2) has a huge heart of gold, (3) Never comes home late, unless it is overtime at work, (4) always looks in my eyes more than once a day and whispers the gentle words “I love you,” (5) Always assists me with household chores, (6) enjoys helping with my two children, as well as his three; combined now “our” children, (7) he has NEVER cursed me and the only names he calls me are honey, baby, etc., (8) takes care of me daily, even when I am not ill, (9) always accompanies me to doctor’s appointments, the beauty shop, grocery shopping, etc, because he states “there is never enough time spent with you,” and now (10) our lives do revolve around God. And that is who I thank foremost for the gift of our love, marriage, commitment, honesty, and trust. Never underestimate the power of God and dreams.
