I was so in love in high school. I think he was my soul mate—we both played sports, he was the much better athlete than I was and he was a year older. He received a scholarship and was off to college. I was staying behind with an alcoholic father and a mother who worked afternoons. I broke up with him before he could dump me and leave me behind. I thought I would never go to college—my parents didn’t believe in college except for learning how to party, so college was out of the question for me. I started my senior year miserable and participated in as many things as possible so I wouldn’t be home.
I graduated from high school with no plans for college—but I did go to community college and played two sports on scholarship (my parents didn’t know). I then got a job as a secretary at an ad agency and received tuition assistance. I was married and divorced two times in four years never any kids. I waited five years and married again. I have now been married miserably for eleven years with two girls. I won’t leave or give up—everyone thinks I have everything from the outside but I don’t. (Although I did receive my Bachelor’s degree).
The question is that through a weird set of circumstances, my first love (who had gone on to better things) stopped by my parents home out of the blue. Prior to this, I had been thinking about his mom and she walked into an open house I was holding open back in spring of 2007. Then, I was thinking about her again and not an hour later my mom called me to say that my old boyfriend had stopped by their home—he was in the area— I called his Mom to speak with him and we met at the football game where my child was participating. He brought his kids and we just talked. Everything was timed perfectly. My husband was at a golf outing, I had my daughters and we were at a football game (ironically where our romance began) surrounded by people. Everything was innocent. He left with his kids in the third quarter to drive back home. He will probably never be back in the area since his mother was moving that weekend and his father has long since moved out of the area—so chances of me seeing him again aren’t there. We had never run into each other for twenty-five years—again, why now?
Why twenty-five years later did he come back into my life? I like to think it is because he had made me feel special and was supportive in anything I did. Maybe God wanted me to remember this and timed everything so perfectly. My first love had always put me first. But what do we know when we are in high school and trying to cope with an alcoholic parent? I was too blind. I think it is God’s way of showing me that someone had valued me at one time; I mattered and was not just a mat to step on. It is a way to remind me that I used to have confidence and that no one can take that away from me. I was a fighter. Or is it God’s way of bringing back these people in my life to apologize for how hurtful I was—because, it was not only my first love that has recently come back into my life, but others as well? (Many others.) I was trying to survive back 20-25 years ago.
Many others have come back from that time period? Why now? I hate reliving that time in my life. I would rather forget it. Where can I find answers? I pray to God to show me the way and ask why he is bringing all of these people back into my life? It is tearing me up inside to relive these old memories. Is it because I need to remember everything and be stripped raw to be refreshed so that I may grow? I know that the reason will be revealed in Gods timing, I just don’t want to miss this opportunity that He is giving me to make the best out of it. I want to hear him and do what He is asking me, only I can’t hear Him very clearly right now. Any light shed on this matter is greatly appreciated.