“Would you take this for me and put it away somewhere?” she asks as she hands her mother her wedding ring.
“Sure, I’ll just wear it so it doesn’t get lost,” replies her mother, with surprise.
“I want Nyah to have it when she is old enough to take care of it.” With that over, a sigh of relief escapes her. Six months ago is when he left. That odd and painful time is one she won’t forget.
The anger that welled up in her throat was one that she had felt thousands of times before. He was about to get on the bus to Florida for his eleventh attempt at rehab. All his bags were packed, in her personal luggage of course. Here she was, the summer heat beating down and he had asked her, not just to take him, but to escort him into the bus station. What was he thinking? She was going to have to park in a seedy part of town where the stench of vomit, body odor, and urine attacked the nostrils before escape could be made. It didn’t feel safe to be walking downtown after dark, especially dragging three little bitty kids into the freakish downtown bus station. Cigarette butts and empty beer cans littered the streets. More than one stranger eyed her and her babies with looks that made her cringe inside. Allowing herself to be convinced to wait with him at eleven o’clock at night was not on her agenda. Once again, he was getting his way, at all costs.
As she stood there next to him while he made his goodbyes to the children, she thought about the many times before that he had left her or caused problems. It was a vicious cycle. He asked her, “What’s wrong, baby?” Her glare of frustration didn’t need interpretation. “I’m gonna miss you so much,” he whimpered. “Goodbye, call me when you have a chance,” she replied with disdain. She was so tired of the manipulation. His leaving for Florida was his own getaway, an open-ended, indefinite vacation! The bastard! She’d be stuck as a single parent, AGAIN!
This was it. Although she wouldn’t recognize it until later, this was it. She could have made her exit many times before. In her own little way, she didn’t really want him to go. The feelings of abandonment set in. She sensed the deep sadness of what she was about to experience with him gone. Within days, she knew she wouldn’t be able to prevent the inevitable visit to the Emergency Room. Her life was going to end. She couldn’t believe he was gone. Tears just kept rolling down her face all day long. How could she live without him? This was her husband. He was her life.
