Sometimes I hate you for what you did and how it has affected me. I used to wait for you to apologize for what you have done, but now I realize that you never will. And although I don’t cry anymore there is a hollow place in my heart where there used to be poetry and myself. Now I have to find those things all over again, and although I’m sure that I will sooner or later, it doesn’t stop the fact that you’re responsible.
I wish that I could forget everything: you, her, the way you completely threw me away, the way she slandered my name around, telling people that I stole her husband, that I was a younger woman (when I’m only three years younger). I hate the way you treated me, even before we split, ignoring me and practically pushing toward someone else. I hate the way you couldn’t wait to be with her, leaving me with no choice. I hate the anguish you caused me, the way you left me so empty that I didn’t even know who I was anymore. I hate the fact that even though it has been two years, I am still having to deal with the effects, while you seem oblivious to them. I hate that I haven’t been able to forgive you completely, and that is the worst thing because you don’t feel it but it tears me up inside.
Although I hate all these things, I cannot hate where it has brought me. For I am now married to the man I deserve, the man who loves me for me, and understands who I am. The one who encourages me and pushes me. Even though I hate all you have done to me, I wouldn’t take it back for anything in the world! I know that one of these days I will be healed and I will be able to look at you both and not want to claw your eyes out. I will forgive you and then I will remember the good times, not the bad. I will get back those things you stole from me, and I will be better. I am truly happy with my new life, and I do hope you’re happy in yours, but if you aren’t then maybe you should rethink your decisions. Goodbye J.A., I will release you.
