I am not what you would call a natural born leader.
This rude awakening came about two decades ago, when I was a “little sister” at this fraternity in college, and several girls in the organization graduated, leaving me in a new position of seniority the first day of my junior year.
Uncertain of what to do, I typed a cheerful letter to all of the little sisters and mailed them out over the summer (this was before the days of email), asking for everyone’s ideas for activities for the coming year, and reminding them that we needed to hold an election to vote for a new president.
As the oldest “sister,” I assumed people would choose me as the new Little Sis-In-Chief, since that’s the way it had always worked out in the past. Wrong.
Instead, an angry, surly group of young women tromped into my college apartment the day of the meeting. Ignoring the refreshments I’d put out for them, they happily and defiantly voted for someone else—a sophomore, no less! Shortly afterward everyone left, snickering at me behind my back.
In my mind, all I had done was make an effort to mobilize the troops. In no way had I proclaimed myself the new leader. But according to some feedback I got later on (from one girl who pitied me), people were miffed that I was already acting like I was in charge, even though no one had officially voted me into the Oval Office.
Sigh. Barack Obama never had days like this, did he?
This inability to lead, to command people’s respect has plagued me for most of my life. In various social organizations, in the workplace, I have always failed as a leader. Various promotions have passed me by and people working under me have often thumbed their noses at my authority.
Once, in a previous job I had the misfortune of being put in charge of a woman who, unbeknownst to me, had serious psychological issues and couldn’t be fired for legal reasons. When I told her she wasn’t doing her job properly, she freaked out and told me to go “jump in a lake.”
Then my boss yelled at me for being too hard on her.
Yet, I’ve seen really bossy, imposing people become great successes in life, and I wonder what their secret is. Whatever it is, I know I don’t have “it.”
And maybe that’s okay. Over the years, I’ve discovered that I have other strengths as a person, that I’m a good team player, a decent writer and hard worker. That I’m a loyal friend—something one of those angry girls in my fraternity would eventually discover. To this day, we still keep in touch.
In the end, I think those former frat girls of mine made a mistake. The girl they did elect president ended up being a queen “byotch” who did absolutely nothing all year, except yell at us a few times.
Something else they didn’t think about: if I hadn’t sent the letters, who would have gotten us all together? I doubt it would have been the girl they elected.
I have yet to land that big promotion, or get appointed to lead some task force. But the other day, I got my ornery two-year-old son to put his toys away, take his bath and go to bed without so much as a whimper.
Maybe I’m not such a bad leader after all.
