Maybe the relationship started off awesome. We don’t doubt it. We’re sure it traveled on an idyllic path for a hot minute or two, full of butterflies and starry-eyed evenings of dragonfly walks along the beach. We bet it did.
But then it inevitably faltered and you probably stuck around longer than you should have (you did, didn’t you?). It was tough, but now you’re finally out (rejoice!).
But it sort of sucks. All the good memories keep infiltrating your mind like sweet-smelling second-hand smoke. Suddenly your reviled ex is Goody McBoyfriend and you’ve made the biggest mistake of your life.
You want back in.
Don’t do it! Here are four tips to help you stay out.
1. Make a bad quality list
It sounds corny but sit down and write out all the things you don’t like about said person. Be as shallow as you want. Nobody except you is going to read about your secret disdain for his/her fashion deficiencies, chicken legs and less than stellar vocabulary. Write the big stuff, too. The time he/she was rude to your cat, how he/she always seemed to stare off into the distance when you talked, how he/she (he, who are we kidding) sat in their underwear all day Saturday and played video games. Write it all. And then whenever you get weepy-eyed about that romantic walk in Central Park eight months ago, just revert to the list. You’ll be shocked how quickly you won’t reach for your cell phone.
2. Don’t do a cut and paste
When you start to get all squishy and needy inside, it may be tempting to cut and paste. You know—go out and date the first breathing organism that sits next to you. Don’t do it. Nothing (and we mean nothing) is going to get you running to your ex quicker than a soured romance by someone you were just using to get over them. Spend some time alone and hang with your friends.
3. Write a bad emotion list
Explore “The Terrible.” (Please don’t juxtapose with “The Wonderful”). Make a list of how horrible you felt during the low times. Use logic. Sometimes we need logic. Make a cause and effect type list—like historians do for the onset of world wars. He/she said this, which made me feel like this, which is why we broke up. Viola. While you’ve probably talked this into the ground, it sometimes helps to see it in writing.
4. Wear a rubber band around your wrist
Okay. We’ll call ourselves out before anyone else—this is very, very self-help-ish. In a group therapy, pink, fuzzy kind of a way. We know. But it works! It probably isn’t apparent now, you’re too far down the rabbit hole of unhealthy obsession, but you’d be horrified to know the number of times he/she pops into your head on a daily basis. Hell, in an hour. So try to keep a record. Every time they sneak back in, snap the rubber band. Hard. Yeah, it sounds dumb, but give it a whirl. Trust us on this one.
Related stories:
Three Breakup Lessons From Celebrities
Five Tips to Move On From a Painful Breakup
Why I Loved Rediscovering My Ex-Husband
By Melissa Noble for YourTango
