Life is, to put it quite simply, completely unpredictable. My life took a sharp turn when my middle-aged husband left me for one of his starry-eyed twenty-something-year-old bartender groupies. With my heart crushed into pieces after a failed marriage and my identity in shambles, I decided to pick up my life and travel around the world. I headed to New Zealand to say one last goodbye to my Kiwi in-laws, then took a solo journey through the South Pacific.
When I arrived, I made a conscious decision not to talk about the reasons why we had broken up and instead focused my energy on “my role” in the marriage, the lessons I had learned from the breakup, and the steps I would take to better my soul and rebuild my life.
While my mother-in-law kept probing me for the reasons why we had broken up, I said nothing. And even though deep down I wanted to scream, “Your son is a coke addict and alcoholic,” I knew that the information would only hurt her. It was pointless. There was nothing that any of us could do and he didn’t want to go to rehab so like a “good enabler” who actually learned something in Al-Anon, I realized it was time to accept my new life and move on ... one day at a time.
As my eighty-year-old mother-in-law stared at me with her deeply soulful blue eyes, she said, “I want to give you something.” Known for unloading gifts, heirlooms, and other random items, I said, “I would prefer not to take anything while I’m traveling—I’m just thankful to be here with you and your family.” When I looked down, in her hand was a blue marble, the kind you get out of a toy machine. She looked me straight in the eye and said, “This is for you. Remember darling, what comes around goes around.” At first I didn’t understand what she meant, but I knew at some point her words would have meaning. My eyes welled up in tears. “Thank you!” I said. “This is one of the most precious gifts I’ve ever received.” I truly meant it.
I hung onto the marble throughout my travels and when I returned to the States, I placed the treasured marble next to my other rocks that were inscribed with positive messages like faith, hope, and forgiveness but her marble stood out because it carried an important message. I thought of her and her words of wisdom.
Two years later, I received a call from a friend. She told me that my ex-husband had cheated on his girlfriend … the same girl he left me for. Although there was a sense of sadness in my heart that another woman would feel heart break like I did, there was also a sense of relief and I understood the significance of the marble. I felt gratitude and was thankful that I wasn’t trapped in a cheating relationship anymore sitting by the window worrying what time my husband would come home from the bar and praying he’d return sober. My prayers always the same … God, ple-as-e let him be sober … just one night.
In life, it is true—what comes around goes around. Whether it’s your ex repeating the same old behavior, you accepting the behavior or another person stepping into a your old situation to learn their own lessons, either way, you start at one point in the circle move to another point and eventually revisit the same point again, only hopefully you’ve grown and learned something valuable along the way so you don’t repeat it all again.
Originally published on The Break-Up Guide
