Day One: January 3, 2010
It’s 2010, so what? I’m on my thirty-seventh year now of welcoming new years. Still, life seems to go unchanged. I’m restless and I feel alone. I’ve been content that life will somehow remains the same. But guess what, CHANGE is the only thing constant. I have a very close friend whom I thought will never forget to invite me to her special occasions. I was wrong. Not only she did not ask me to her parties, she even did not answer any of my greetings like any one should do on a mere acquaintance. ”Hey, Merry Christmas.” Blank. “Happy, happy birthday.” Nada.
What the heck, I don’t care anymore. It’s been going on for so long now that I should move on. I have deleted her already on all my contact lists. My heart will do the same next—forget the pain of losing a friend.
I live alone with my precious five-year-old kid. Her dad is still deciding whether to join us or not this year. We live in North Carolina; he lives somewhere else. What the heck, I don’t care anymore. We’ve been apart from him for almost four years now. By this time, I should already get the hint, right?
I like my job and I love the little place I work so much. Yet, nobody stays in that place for long, not even my favorite people. They leave and I stay. I believe I will continue working there as long as I can. I’m a helpless loyalist.
So, all in all, I got so much time in my hand. I don’t have anymore relationships to save except those that have stuck with me (which are not much ). I love my girl. I love her so much that I need to try and do this: FIND MYSELF. Somehow, I’ve lost myself in trying to please others and in the end, they still left. I HAVE TO SEARCH MYSELF. Low or high, shallow or deep, I will start this journey in 365 days.
