It seems like as soon as I start to feel better and hopeful for a minute, something hits me, some memory of him, just to drag me back to my misery. It’s been over six months since it ended and I still miss him like it was yesterday. I’ve tried to eradicate him every way I can, but something is always there to remind me. I deleted his numbers, his text messages, his email address ... I got rid of everything of his, or so I thought. Then tonight as I went through the medicine chest, I found his razor blades. Sadly, that’s all it took to bring an overwhelming sense of grief. I wonder if this mourning will ever end.
I’m so tired, so tired of crying and feeling sorry for myself. I get angry and think that I should be past this by now and over it. I keep telling myself to get over it and on with life but I just can’t seem to. Then I wonder, what’s wrong with me? I know that he was jealous, controlling, and emotionally abusive, so I should be happy that I’m rid of him. I know that I deserve so much better and that he was no where near good enough for me.
So why am I still crying? What is it that keeps me from moving on? I could meet tons of men if I wanted to ... so why am I not the least bit interested in doing so?
