D- I- V- O- R- C- E.
I believe it was Loretta Lynn that sang the song. Divorce, is ugly, hard, heartbreaking and I read somewhere it is worse than death. I always had a hard time understanding why it was described as “worse than death,” that is, until I got divorced.
After thirty years of marriage, I tossed in the towel, with the hope of finding happiness and peace. Well, I have had some of both and lots of other things that I didn’t expect. Despite the fact that our grown children said they understood why I left, the reality is, they still wanted their parents together. Getting over that bump in the road is difficult at best.
I’m not sure if there is a right way or a wrong way to leave a marriage. I tried many different ways over the course of my married years and all seemed to have a flaw in them somewhere.
There are some things I have learned since my divorce. Have a plan.
Get a good education that will help you earn a living before you leave him. At the very least if you have been a homemaker though out your marriage, take some classes to bone up on your employability skills. Few of us can live on alimony or child support and even though the ex husband may be ordered to pay one or both. Getting the ex to actually pay it is sometimes equal to getting blood out of a turnip or pulling hens teeth.
Squirrel away some money, I don’t care if you have to cut back on groceries, stick some of the money in a sock, and hide it if you need to. Instead of buying those to die for heels you saw in the mall, stick that money in the back of your wallet for later. Trust me; you are going to need it.
Don’t feel guilty for hiding away money.
All men have their own “mad money” hidden somewhere. It may be in a joint account with his mother but trust me he has one.
Living on minimum wage earnings is next to impossible. If you’re currently unemployed, get a job and stash your paychecks. You’ve lived on one paycheck (his) for most of your marriage, continue to do so. Remember, that check is not only a means for your escape it is also a means for your starting over and survival.
If you can, establish some credit in your name only. Keep it simple and clean, with today’s economy a little clean credit is far better then a lot of clean or messy credit. Remember, your income bracket is going to be take a downward fall. Creditors always look at your income level for determining wither of not to issue you a credit card or line of credit. If you have credit in your name, pay it off. If you have a car in your name, pay it off. Running from the repo man is not fun by any stretch of the imagination no matter how cute he may be and waking up one morning to find your car repo’d is not a good way to start your day.
If you are the one doing the leaving, remember there is a good chance you will be starting over from scratch.
You’re going to need to set up and furnish a new place to live. Think of what you’re going to need and how much you can afford to spend. You can shop thrift stores, yard sales and dollar stores to get a lot of the items you’ll need.
Utilize stores that have ninety days same as cash programs for buying bigger ticket items, such as beds, a couch etc. Ask if they will hold the items until your ready for delivery to your new place. If Layaway is available in the store, use it to your advantage. Ninety days same as cash and layaway are interest free. If you have a friend that has storage space available she is you can use it until you are ready to make your move. Yes, I know it sounds sneaky but there is no “Fairness” in DIVORCE. What there is is a WAR. A war of wills, emotions, and hearts.
