My divorce caught me off guard. I had no time to plan my emotional response and being the planner I am I found that a bit disconcerting. Actually I was highly pissed. Want to set my world a twirl? Pull the rug out from under it!
I had studied Elisabeth Kubler-Ross in college. I knew of the five stages of grief … no surprise that it took a woman to figure out that there were stages. The problem was, I had studied them, knew them but had not planned on applying them to real life … not at that time anyway.
There is denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. What I didn’t learn in college is, one doesn’t move smoothly from one stage to the other. There was no beginning, middle, or end for each stage, and most stages I visited several times.
So, while attempting to manage your emotional recovery, give yourself a break. You will move through recovery at your own pace; angry one week, in denial the next. You will come to the point of acceptance though, hopefully sooner than later.
The Emotional Stages of Divorce
Denial:
This was my favorite. Nothing like moving through a storm and pretending all is well with the world. Denial is your psyche’s way of protecting you from becoming emotionally overwhelmed.
Denial is a useful coping mechanism, as long as it doesn’t keep you from progressing onto the next stage. Use this stage to your benefit but don’t abuse it. After a while refusing to face reality becomes a very unattractive trait.
Anger:
This stage I visited often. Seriously, when your world is falling down around you who better to blame for all your problems than a crazy ex-husband? If the car battery died, guess who I blamed? If it rained on a day I had planned to go the beach, it was his fault. I had no role in any adversity that came my way!
During the anger phase he became the worst lover I had ever had, ugly beyond description, a slob, a wimp … my anger did a number on him and his character.
