Your head is spinning, you can’t breathe, and you feel like you’ve just been sucker-punched. You’ve just been dumped! We’ve all been there (some of us more times then we’ll ever admit), and let’s face it, getting dumped sucks. Even worse … getting your heart abruptly stomped on can temporarily transform the most level-headed, rational gal into a scorned, raving, hair-on-fire lunatic.
So, how do you handle those raging “just-been-dumped” emotions? Here are a few moves (some of them personally tested) to avoid at all costs if you want to bounce back from your relationship breakup with your dignity intact:
1. Don’t blow up his new iPhone 4 or Droid with relentless calls, emails, and texts. As tempting as it is to reach out, by all means—resist the urge! Oh, and drunk dialing your ex at 2:00a.m. just to tell him not to forget his dentist appointment at the end of the week is never a good idea.
2. Don’t show up on his doorstep or at his job. Although it may seem like a totally harmless gesture, this kind of behavior may earn you the (albeit undeserved) label of “stalker.” Stalking your ex is a NO. Stalking his new girlfriend is also a resounding NO. It doesn’t matter if she’s thinner, younger … or in some cases, blonder. It’s not worth the embarrassment of a court appearance. “But it’s only cyber–stalking,” you say? Unless you plan to put “hacking skills” on your resume, you should stop breaking into his accounts and reading his emails. This kind of stalking (equally law breaking) will only cause you the kind of pain and confusion you don’t need right now.
3. Don’t start a smear campaign on Twitter, Facebook, or any other social network. This brand of revenge will make your friends, his friends, and other innocent virtual bystanders very, very uncomfortable. Plus, it reeks of desperation. Finding more positive and creative ways to release this negative energy will help you bounce back with a vengeance.
4. Don’t destroy his belongings. Oh … it’s soooo very tempting to scrub the toilet with his toothbrush, take a baseball bat to his beloved X-Box, and set fire to his clothes. However, this will come off as childish, and in the end, the satisfaction won’t last. Also, you wouldn’t want him to treat your belongings with anything other than respect. So, take the high road. Pack up his crap, and like Beyonce, let him know it’s “in the box to the left!”
5. Don’t beg, plead, whine, or whimper. (And don’t jump on the hood of his moving car—it won’t save your relationship.) No matter how great a negotiator you are, no matter how strong your argument to stay together—if your ex truly wants out, begging will not help you win this case. Even if he takes you back just to stop your incessant crying, the truth is there’s no going back to “the way we were.” Chasing your man down the street in your underwear may have worked for Bridget Jones, but chances are you will end up with a hefty fine. You are stronger than this, and you should maintain your dignity at all times.
6. Don’t be a Hollaback Girl. Urban dictionary.com, defines this as the following: “Noun: A girl that is willing to be treated like a doormat or booty call.” Making yourself available for a guy who calls looking for sex only when he’s bored, has nothing better to do, and no one else to do it with can wreak havoc on your self-esteem. Bouncing back from a bitter break-up is synonymous with moving forward … so no dipping in the past! Although it’s challenging, try to protect your heart from falling into this toxic pattern.
7. Don’t attack his mother. This is a battle you will not win. While you’re probably right—it’s likely her fault for raising a worthless momma’s boy, this awkward confrontation is certainly not worth your effort. Chances are, she already knows her precious little can-do-no-wrong baby can’t seem to have successful relationships with women, and deep down, she’s ok with this. As long as she’s still his number one girl—all is right in her twisted world.
