A few years ago I found myself trying to claw my way out of an emotionally abusive relationship that I had been in for four years. I had ended it for the 6th time and was hoping that this was the fresh start I needed.
I was broken—that was apparent. I didn’t believe I deserved anything. I believed that the only men who would ever be with me would hurt me, despise me, use me.
It was then I met Daniel, or rather met him again. I had met him ten years ago in my small hometown, where we both had been working for the summer. I was from there, and he was staying with relatives, trying to save money. We worked an odd job together, and though I could tell he wanted more, when the job was over I said my goodbyes, and didn’t expect to ever see him again. Later that summer I moved to the city to start my life.
Fast-forward ten years. I was just out of the relationship that had stolen four years of my life, and there again was Daniel. I was browsing movies at the video stores, prepared to spend another night alone, trying to heal. I asked him if he remembered me, he smiled and said “of course.” He told me he had started a business, that he was doing well and wanted to take me out. This was something new to me.
He picked me up a few nights later, which for me was another novelty. In my previous relationship, I had to go to my ex, and if I didn’t, I risked days of being ignored. I’m sure that is such a foreign concept to many. Why stay? They wear you down, they isolate you. You don’t realize what is happening until you are broken.
When Daniel picked me up, he said he was nervous to be with such a beautiful woman. He took me to dinner, he took me for walks and then a few weeks later he asked if I would be his girlfriend. I felt respected; I felt cared for.
That’s when the emails started. I didn’t realize that he was just out of a relationship, or maybe, in hindsight, still in one. Through Facebook I received threats from a woman who I’ll call Anne, who claimed I had taken her man away. She called me every name in the book and threatened to kill me if I ever hurt him.
When I told Daniel about this he seemed upset, but not shocked. He said he would take care of it.
Our relationship continued to grow over the next few months; he made me feel so special and loved. It was overwhelming for me at times, as I could still hear my ex in my head telling me I was ugly, unlovable and not worth anything.
I noticed over this time that Daniel received a lot of text messages all through the night. Phone calls, which he would take privately, that involved screaming matches. He would tell me it was Anne, and that she was threatening to kill herself. He felt responsible because when he had dated her, she had been rejected from her family because of their religion. He said she had no one and that he didn’t know how to deal with that. I was upset by the continued contact, but I felt for her, as I knew what it was like to be alone and depressed.
One night, Daniel and I were enjoying a quiet night in at his place, when we heard honking in the driveway. It was Anne, drunk and threatening to hurt herself. She wouldn’t leave until he went out there.
After that the emails towards me started again, always threatening. Calling me names, saying that she would hurt me. Daniel didn’t want me to go to the police, since he was concerned it would put her over the edge.
