I’ve read countless stories about women in toxic relationships that are either financially stuck, or afraid to leave for fear they can’t make it alone. I’m here to tell you, you can do anything you set that pretty little mind to. I’m a firm believer than women are the stronger sex, we bear the fruit. I don’t think there is any man out there that would trade places with a woman during childbirth. Hell yes it’s easier said than done. Nothing you want bad enough in life is ever easy. I look at life’s challenges like a football game. No matter how many times I get “sacked” I get up and keep going, not letting anyone take me out.
I played the same game with an ex of eight years. We went into overtime more times than I can count. I finally walked off the field and lost the game, but in the long run I won the war. I refused to let him keep knocking me down. He in the end was the inspiration for my career move (believe it or not). It’s about digging deep within yourself enough to want more. Not settling for what you think you deserve, but what you know you deserve.
I started off with baby steps. My pretty little mind’s wheels starting burning rubber and he never saw me coming (or going ). I stopped concentrating on him so much, and put that energy back into myself. I worried less about what he thought and more about what I thought. He had stolen my thunder so slowly I hadn’t realized it was almost gone. My life had slowly become more about his needs not mine. He had chipped away at me for so long there was close to nothing left of the person I was when I first met him. My wake up call was when he told me I couldn’t find a man as good as he was to me. Wrong thing to say. It took about twenty seconds to realize my actions over the past had made what he said ring true. Oh, and was I pissed! I had no defense, he was right and that pissed me off even more.
Actions speak louder than words ladies, if you remember one thing remember that. I had threatened to leave him many times, but never did. I had reached my boiling point, but I didn’t let him see me blow. Not me, I let it simmer. I over time got my life in order right under his nose never giving him a reason to suspect anything was awry. I actually for a time led two different lives, one with him and one without him. I fueled my anger and frustrations for what I had let him do to me back into myself. The drive to better myself became overwhelming, and I was back in the game.
I became stronger, wiser, and more self confident with each baby step. My education was my first step, getting a better job, my second step. Joining a support group was the third. I, like everyone else, needed guidance from others who had been in my situation. I left him two years ago, and to this day I still get a text or occasional phone call from him saying he misses me. I usually can’t fight the urge to pick up and tell him, to move on I have. This may sound insane but he fueled and unleashed the fighter in me that had walked off the field long ago.
I now spend my time giving back. I encourage others that are stuck in the same situation as mine to do the same. You have the power to change your circumstance, you simply need to learn how to use the tools. I’m now involved with a man I’d always pictured myself with. The ex I left is surprisingly still single and probably always will be, he never thought he was the problem, he was too busy pointing out my faults, to look at his own. When you point an accusing finger at someone else, there is at least three fingers pointing back at you, words to live by. I know nothing is as easy as it sounds, here are some of the things that helped me through.
