Why Kids? The Great Debate

Last week, I wrote a post about my conversation with a friend who doesn’t want kids. I talked about how when she told me this it was like she was speaking a foreign language. One that I barely understood. No kids? Never? Never ever? No kids. Ever, she confirmed. Okay. I was a tad anxious about publishing the post because I am well aware that this kids/no kids topic is a thicket of controversy. Thankfully, my anxiety didn’t paralyze me (this time). I published. And waited (like we bloggers do) for the comments to roll in. (Or not roll in. Sob.)  And roll in, they did. Amazing comments. Diverse voices. Strong opinions.

I was thrilled at the participation, but more than that I was thrilled at the continuum of reactions. I was heartened by the gentleness, the unanticipated diplomacy, the conspicuous open-mindedness. I was pleasantly surprised at the number of people who chimed in who: (a) are not parents; and (b) do not plan to be. Don’t get me wrong. I love parents. I am a parent. This is my world. But. These comments from members of the human species who do not have wee ones (and do not crave wee ones) underscored the fact that this blog, however young and sprightly and scattered, appeals to an audience broader than moms. Yay. This blog is not just reaching clones of Aidan! This is exactly what I want. Depth. Diversity. Grays.

But something struck me about the content of these comments. Something upset me. That something? The vast majority of those who declared that they do not want kids also stated that they are constantly asked to justify this life choice to others. I can’t imagine this. Frankly, I am quite the mainstream cliché. I went to college, then law school, then started my career, then married, then popped out a couple of (freakishly cute) kids. No one has asked me to justify my path. Ever. (Wait, not entirely true. A few people asked me to justify the whole novel writing dream. You know who you are.)

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08.25.2010
flash bizwala
KIds are true blessing from GOD. Without them life is not complete,.
06.04.2010
Mony Muppet
(2) There have been so many answers, but I think all of them have been good. I've never thought I wanted a baby to not be alone, to punish someone for my misery (like some people seem to do), or just because it's a woman's job. But later, I didn't want just a baby of my own. I wanted a baby that I could raise with the man a loved. I have a couple now. He talks about having children with me, but I'm not sure WHY he wants a child. He has a daughter, but I don't know if he just misses her (because his girl lives in another city) or he actually wants to raise a family with me. Now I still love babies and kids. But I'm not so sure I want to have my own. I see the world now and I don't see any improvement in society and the environment. I see more poverty, corruption, pollution and so many awful things that I wouldn't want my children to see. I still believe there is hope for the world. I want to help but I wouldn't want a child to go through all this mess and end-up loosing his/her faith
06.04.2010
Mony Muppet
Why?.. that's a good question. I'm not a mother, but I've taken care of baby cousins since I was a teenager. I love kids and I want some of my own. But I think I've had different answers to the same question through all these years. When I was in college I wanted to have a baby right after my graduation. "Why?" I wanted to be a young mother, that was my first answer. Over the years I kept thinking I wanted a baby, but I didn't feel sure about my financial situation. So I waited. I didn't have a couple, but that wasn't a problem. First I thought I could take a donor, but later in my life I wanted to have a baby from someone I loved, but it didn't matter if he was my husband. I just wanted a baby. "Why?" again ? I felt I needed a little piece of me to nurture and raise, and give the education I didn't have (more eco-friendly, to put a label on it)... (continue)
I have just completed another (unsuccessful) round of IVF. It failed 2 days ago, so I find myself crying uncontrollably at different points during the day. I cry for my loss (the embryo was so cute); I cry for the child that embryo could have become; I cry because I know I would be a good mother; because I have so much to teach a small person; and yes, because I want to be visited later in life; I want to feel rejuvenated when my children have children; I want to see a likeness of myself and my husband in another; I want to see the fusion of our love. It's a difficult world, and I believe that having children should have some thought put into it. The sad truth is that so very often that does not happen - how often do I see women in the street screaming at their kids as if it's the child's fault that they can no longer cope with the additional responsibility and financial burden a child brings? No space left, I'll have to continue this in an article..
12.04.2009
DCPatient
Being in the midst of a fertility journey I finally did stop and ask this question. It did stump me for a bit, but I finally realized that I be honored to have the opportunity to love someone unconditionally and nurture someone with total appreciation and acceptance from the moment I was aware of their existence. What a great gift to give to another person. What would we all be capable of if we each had that.
It feels good to write.

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