We try our whole sexual lives not to get pregnant, and then when we want to, we can’t. Well, some of us can’t. Our best friends, sisters, and relatives, for some reason, don’t have the same problem. But for those of us who share this experience, it’s a challenge we didn’t expect.
How did this happen? We have been warned, scared to death, run to the drugstore hoping no one would see us buying a pregnancy test kit the day after we were late, faced the probability, analyzed the guy we were with and the time in our life, and contemplated parenthood, all in the three minutes the test took to say, “No, you are not pregnant.” This all while we were thinking, “Dodged a bullet. Must be more careful.” It has been drilled into us for years.
So what’s up with the cruel duality? Is it that you can’t have what you want when you want it, or is there some cosmic force or puppeteer playing with us? Our next step is to blame ourselves: It must be me. I should have exercised more, I should have eaten better, I shouldn’t have experimented in college, I waited too long, I’m too old, I shouldn’t have … No, no, it’s not you. It’s life. And life—our life, my life, your life—doesn’t always go as planned.
Thanks to the women who went before us and the pressure they applied to doctors, family, and friends. A few people set out to help those of us who didn’t happen to get pregnant on their wedding night or the day they got engaged or five minutes after you and your husband or partner decided to have children. For the rest of us, we got help. Help that didn’t exist before. Help for what other dear women were labeled: barren.
