If you are considering exploring adoption but the idea of calling an adoption agency seems terrifying, you’re not alone. Many people who adopt first found themselves in this window-shopping phase.
“Calling an agency or a social worker seems so definite and scary. What you want is information to help you decide if you are even considering doing this,” says Sandra Crane, mom of four-year-old Alex, whom she adopted from Russia two and a half years ago.
When she was considering adoption, living in Boston six years earlier, the thought of contacting an agency put fears in her mind that they’d then pressure her to move forward. The good news is that agencies never do that.
“Adoption agencies aren’t sales offices. They won’t get your email and phone number and hound you. If you call one large adoption agency in America, (such as World Association of Children and Parents in Seattle), they’ll then send you information that can help—it’s that easy. They won’t contact you again as they’re too busy and that’s just not what they do,” Sandra explains.
This information is really helpful because laws are different in each state regarding adoption and adoption leave and there are different laws for domestic adoption verses international—with each country having their own nuances.
Since Sandra was considering adopting a child as a single mom, she really wanted to have a lot of information. Some needed to come from her employer. At the time, she was working for one of the largest financial services companies in the world, but sadly, she couldn’t assume that they offered any paid leave for adopting a child. Sandra says she assumed that living in Massachusetts, a liberal state, and working for such a large company, meant she’d get some paid leave. Sadly, that wasn’t the case. This helped her in her decision to look for another job and ultimately move from Massachusetts.
Each state is different, so don’t be discouraged from one person’s story. For instance, Patti Ghezzi of Atlanta, Georgia who works for the Atlanta Journal-Constitution newspaper was given six weeks paid leave and the owner of the paper, Cox Enterprises, actually offers a $3,000 grant to parents once adoption is finalized. This however, just came about three years ago after an employee who adopted wrote a letter of complaint to management. Ghezzi is currently taking a year off with her job guaranteed upon return as well. To do this, however, a person has to be able to afford to live on one income or have a year’s salary saved up, so clearly not everyone can swing it.
Another couple in Dallas, Texas who received no paid leave managed by splitting shifts—with the mom staying home for twelve weeks of unpaid FMLA leave, and the dad staying home afterwards using his three weeks of saved vacation time. So regardless of state laws, there are ways to find some time at home with your newly adopted baby or child.
But what if you’re completely unsure?
Getting specific laws and employer information is helpful, but what if you just want reassurance that you can handle being a parent?
“At every dinner party or event I always have people coming up to me saying they’re interested in hearing my experience and that they are thinking about adopting or being a single mom too, but are not sure that they want to,” Sandra says.
If that sounds familiar, Sandra highly recommends visiting a family who has adopted a child, but not asking the family to meet you out.
“Single moms of adopted children are busy. We can’t come to you easily, but ask if you can bring some coffee over and then see the family. Just know that you might not get a lot of your questions answered with the kids running around, but you’ll get to see the family in action,” she suggests.
