Over and over again, I hear pregnant women tell me that the number one question they are asked when they express their desire to birth without drugs is, “Why would you want a natural birth?” In other words, why would you choose to feel the pain of labor when you could have medication?
Many well meaning friends and family members use the analogy of a toothache. They often say things like, “If you were going to have a tooth pulled, would you refuse the novocaine?” as though the two experiences were in any way related. This often trips up a newly pregnant woman as she is searching for support and validation for her choices from those she is close to. She secretly wonders if she is crazy for desiring to be fully present and aware for her upcoming birth. It seems like good logic—to receive pain medication—but it doesn’t necessarily feel right. This is when we need to ask deeper questions of ourselves and of others.
If we do it becomes clear that the dental decision is a mundane and insignificant one compared to the magnitude of the experience that giving birth represents. While you may get relief, there is no mystery, no magic, no miracle and surely no meaningful personal growth or transformation in having a tooth pulled. The point of view of the well-meaning friends and family suggests that “numbing out” is somehow better than being present. This of course, comes from a fundamental misunderstanding about the nature of the pain in childbirth and from the bombardment of media images depicting childbirth as a miserable, difficult experience to be “delivered” from rather than welcomed and embraced as a life changing, heart opening rite of passage into parenthood.
When it comes to the toothache the pain we feel is a warning that something is wrong. In this case, our body attempts to try and get our attention so we can take care of the decaying situation. When we experience the labor pains of birth, we need to recognize them as the primary way the baby and our body are communicating with us. If we let the pain guide us to move in certain ways that will ease the passage for the baby and help to open us up in order to birth, we can begin to view this kind of pain as purposeful and therefore helpful. With this awareness, we can embrace the intensity that is birth, knowing that it is specifically designed to bring our babies from womb to world, and into our loving arms.
