I’m wondering if there is anyone else out there that feels the way I do right now. I had the “master” plan of loosing weight before and would try to get pregnant with my second child. I was already overweight when I was pregnant with my first and I promised myself to change things before the next pregnancy … because is not fun to be chubby and pregnant! I felt humiliated at every doctor’s visit. My belly wasn’t round, hard and beautiful like normal women. It was so embarrassing to have to show it. I had to be so careful to pick clothes that would make me look obviously pregnant and not just fatter. So, that was my plan … to never go thru that again.
… So, a few days ago I found out I am pregnant. My emotions are going up and down and up and down … Of course I am happy for my baby! I am thrilled that my 12-month-old baby girl will have a sister or brother to play with; it’s just the stupid superficial things that are trying to still my joy. I really wanted to have a different experience with my next pregnancy. I haven’t lost even half of what I needed to loose. I’ve been so worried I haven’t been able to sleep since I found out but with all my mixed emotions I came up with some conclusions.
The way I see it I have a couple of choices:
I either continue to feel sorry for myself and worry about ALL the future humiliations that I’ll have to go thru, keep comparing myself to other women (specially all my skinny pregnant close friends!) focusing on the down side of things and basically worrying about things I cannot change overnight and allowing all these to get the best of my experience …
Or I could do completely the opposite! Be thankful for the blessing of caring a child and focus on that, take care of my body and nutrition the best way I can and just learn to love myself for what I am right now and not for what I could be or would want to be.
Why is it that is so easy for women (me) to find our self-worth in our appearance? I desperately want to be free from that and enjoy life … enjoy my children! And most importantly, to be able to make the changes that are necessary to set a good example of health and love for life for them so they don’t have to go thru what I did.