Most of us anxiously await the birth or adoption of a new child. We made it through labor and delivery or through the long adoption process. Daily life is starting to settle in a bit. We eagerly anticipated maternity or paternity leave. Now we are home with our baby. So what do we do all day?
In those first days and weeks, care and vigilance is our primary focus. Feeding, rocking, and diaper changes occupy our days. Getting a shower in is an accomplishment! Our first trip to the grocery store with or without our baby is a big event. But eventually we settle into a bit of a routine based on our newborn’s schedule (remembering that this will continue to change).
Every child is different. Some sleep a lot; some sleep very little. Some cry a lot; some cry very little. Part of adjusting to a newborn is learning our new child’s cycles, rhythms, and needs. If we have a baby who sleeps only a little, our days will be very different from those of parents whose child sleeps a lot. Seems simple, but it makes a huge difference.
So when you do get some blocks of time when your baby is fed, diapered, awake, and content, how can you best spend this precious time together? Here are some basics. Remember that the goal is that you are learning to know your baby and your baby is learning to know you. He/she is learning what you look like, smell like, feel like; that you are trustworthy and dependable; that he/she is cared for and loved; that there is some predictability in life; that others besides you may also be trustworthy; etc. These are pretty important lessons and ones that should not be taken lightly.
- A good starting point is to follow your baby’s lead. Watch what he/she is interested in and follow up on that. If your baby turns and looks when she hears a rattle, for example, repeat the sound again.
- We know from brain development studies that you are activating neurons with each connection you make with your baby—each word, each touch, each smile, etc. And your emotional tone matters. Neutral or negative interactions may keep babies from getting the emotional nourishment they need, which is just as important or more so than the intellectual nourishment.
- Babies learn language through the reciprocity of communication. Your baby coos; you coo back. Your baby waves her arms; you wave back, etc.
- Faces are of great interest to babies. Your baby may enjoy looking into your eyes. Eye contact is a key way to connect with your baby. Try to keep looking and say sweet things to your baby. “I love looking at you. I love spending time with you. It is so great to have you in our family, etc.” While your baby won’t initially understand the words, your tone is important. And listening to your words will eventually help your baby make a connection between what you say and the meaning.
- Lay out a quilt and get on the floor with your baby. Present toys or mirrors to look at. Opportunities like this for “tummy time” help strengthen your baby’s trunk, neck, and arm muscles. Some babies don’t like a lot of time on their tummies. Start for just a few minutes and build up. Always closely supervise, and move your child to his crib on his back if he happens to fall asleep on his tummy.
- Read to your newborn. Hold your baby on your lap and look at a board book together. Point to pictures in the book and name them.
- Provide interesting things for your child to look at, touch, smell. For example, provide different surfaces for tummy time—sometimes a quilt, sometimes the carpet, and let your child experience the different textures. Name them (“this quilt is softer than the carpet”). Bring different things to smell within close, safe proximity always holding onto them yourself. Talk about what you have (e.g., “This cinnamon smells really good”).
