I am the mom of two boys, ages twelve and sixteen. My oldest son has Down’s, and both my boys have autism. Before I had kids, I pitied moms whose children were throwing tantrums in public. I felt sorry for both the mom and the child. I figured the child was acting out, due to fatigue, hunger, etc., and the people that rolled their eyes or even scolded, I thought they were jerks. I knew enough to know that it was a situation not easily controlled. Punishing or yelling at the child will make it worse, and sometimes the child is so wound up getting them to the car can be difficult.
When my youngest was born, I knew from the beginning that he was strong willed. He got fussy when he did not get his way, although he does have a delightful personality. He is very independent and likes things a particular way. As he grew into toddlerhood, he started having tantrums that were what I considered “beyond the norm.” Before he could start preschool the pediatrician advised I get him evaluated. The process took awhile, but after two separate psych evaluations he was diagnosed PDD-NOS (pervasive developmental disorder-nonspecified), which fits under the umbrella of autism. I had suspected Autism, but this was still back in the infancy of awareness of Autism, when the different types of Autism were just starting to be talked about. Interestingly enough, my oldest was observed as having autistic characteristics by a school psychologist. He had “stimmed” a lot as a toddler, lined things up a lot, was resistant to change, and was nonverbal.
These toddler years with my youngest were turbulent. Most days were punctuated with at least one severe tantrum, and public outings were nearly impossible. It was hard to make people understand my son has sensory issues and being around a lot of people triggers anxiety in him sometimes. Plus he liked to rearrange things in the store. If he saw something in the wrong place, he just had to put it in the “right” place or it would bother him. (Luckily he doesn’t do that much anymore, lol.) Sometimes outings could not be helped and I tried to steel myself against the onslaught of dirty looks and judgmental comments. If they could only walk in my shoes! A lot of times when a child acts out in public it has nothing to do with parenting skills or the child not behaving. Usually it’s a situation of an overtired or hungry child, or a child with a possible developmental disorder. I wish some people could understand that. Just because a child looks like what society considers “normal” doesn’t mean they don’t have an issue.
