My Child Will Embarrass You in the Bathroom

For some reason, my daughter Allie thinks that an essential part of going to eat at a restaurant is using their restroom. It’s a MUST to her. If we go out to eat, she absolutely has to use their restroom. Call it toddler bladder or call it a form of torture. It’s up to you.

Anyway, when we ventured into the first stall of the two-stall restroom it was quite obvious the second stall was occupied. However, the occupant decided to make it more obvious with obscenely loud flatulence. Now, I realize that it’s normally to hear such noises in a restroom. I also realize that it is the silent bathroom code that under no condition do you comment on the loud noises coming from the stall next door.

Do you know who doesn’t realize this?

Allie.

As the noises escalated, I began to worry about the person in the stall next door. Were they okay? Could they possibly be okay when their body was producing noises of that nature?

Allie decided to cut to the chase, and as she yelled, “Mom? Do you hear that? I bet they are pooping! Those are loud poots! Loud ones!”

I shushed her and whispered to her that it wasn’t nice to call people out in public restrooms. But you can’t really reason with toddlers in situations like that. And well, who could blame her.

So she yelled again, “But it’s so loud mom! Those are the loudest poots ever! Hey! Hey person! Are you pooping? I poop! I can poop too!”

Of course, there was still no answer from the stall next door, and I decided that it was in my best interest to exit the restroom as quickly as possible. So we washed our hands. And as we were approaching the door Allie deemed it necessary to get in one more jab to the stall occupant, and yelled again, “I still hear you pooping! I know you are pooping! I know you are pooping, but my mom said I am not apposed to say that!”

As I opened the door, I heard the stall occupant mumble, “Sorry.”

My point is that while it is necessary to take children to the bathroom with you at times, there are no promises about the experience inside.

6 readers liked this story.
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09.06.2011
Yirang Arellano
I don't mean to applaud your daughter, but that's just awesome. Thank you! You just made my day!!
Oh man, I can so completely identify with this story. Thanks for my laugh of the day.
11.22.2010
Josh Harris
That is a really funny story, thanks for sharing. The bathroom is definitely a fascinating place for children. Where else do you get to catch everyone with thier pants down! And hopefully people like Paul will be bred out of the population soon. Most of us know better by now.
07.18.2010
Smalls
I'm hispanic and my mom never kicked the crap out of me or spanked me in public, I was told verbally that I should repsect others and if I didn't, I got lectured at home and probably made to stay in my room with no toys for a few hours to learn my lesson. Spanking was used sparingly, only usually for outright talking back or disrespecting my parents and elders, and it was done in private. On the story, I think it was hilarious! I have a 2 year old and i'm hoping that she doesn't ever do something like that but kids are kids, you never know what they're going to do or say no matter how well you raise them. I bet Pauls mom was the one in the bathroom. Yeah, cheap shot but you know what Paul, you're ignorant so I can forgive you for saying such racist things.
07.15.2010
Nancy Duke
"White parenting", Paul? Really? Are you serious? Who says she is white? The picture is of two white people, yes, but that doesn't mean anything? And what is "white culture"? Please, enlighten the world. I find culture differs from where people are, not the color of their skin. Yellow children, black children, brown children; they all say things that are unacceptable in public and don't get beat for it. And I am pretty sure the "white culture" is England is different than the "white culture" in Germany. Or am I wrong? Do all white people follow the same culture? Lebanese women are white. They may be more of an olivey skin tone than a Norwegian, but they are still white. She had parents that thought beating was the way to go; I know kids that get beat that still say rude things. A toddler being whipped for saying something rude in public is like beating a dog for barking at a neighbor. They don't realize they are doing something wrong and they need to be taught, not hit.
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