I think we all have begun to see a disturbing trend in recent years. More and more often we are seeing girls bullying girls, but not like it used to be. Historically, girls have not been immune to bullying, but the way they approached it was through typically manipulation, name-calling, getting others girls to not be friends with a girl, or even making up very painful stories about a girl. What we are seeing now is that bullying is becoming much more aggressive and physical. All across the country, more and more stories are surfacing about brutal types of bullying among girls. Research is showing that bullying behavior with girls is in the rise since the 1990s.
Why are seeing these trends in girls with aggressive bullying? As the school year begins, it is important, as a parent, to be aware of what your children are facing and be in a position to help them through their challenges. We will discuss some of these issues in this brief article.
The Good, the Bad, and the Bully
So why are more aggressive types of bullying with girls on the rise in the last twenty years? I point, in part, to societal changes, and the way we view power is at the core. Our world is based on what I call a control-based model of power. Many of us are informally taught four dichotomies that we live by: Good/Bad, Right/Wrong, Strong/Weak, Win/Lose.
Classically, girls have been socialized to be good, which in most circumstances means surrendering looking strong to get approval from those in power who would judge the person as being good and obedient. These young “good girls” would then grow up to be “good wives” and often live in the shadow of their husband, unfortunately never challenging for power and often not truly feeling fulfilled.
Because girls and women were not socialized to be strong, they would not directly challenge others to be strong because they were more focused on gaining acceptance, so their behavior would often be expressed in passive-aggressive and/or more manipulative, having to express their power over others while also looking good. Bullying occurred with girls in the past, but it was not as obvious, and girls/women who played the game well were often able to avoid having to face consequences for their actions, because they could coyly play innocent.
