Teenagers are having sex earlier and with less emotional attachment than ever before, and this means life isn’t getting any easier for their parents—or for the teenagers themselves.
Consider Steven. Here he is, describing the loss of his virginity. “I was at a party and had too much to drink. One of the girls decided she wanted a thrill and pulled off my pants and made me get a hard-on and had sex with me … everyone watched. Some friends even took pictures of us on their cell phones. I don’t remember a lot of it. But I regret that I lost my virginity like that.”
Suddenly the sixties and seventies look innocent. “We’ve reached an age when ‘like that’ is sometimes de facto rape,” says Jennifer Austin Leigh, PsyD., an expert on teenage girls. “Teenage sex has gotten significantly more predatory, and girls are doing an equal amount of the preying.”
Indeed, Leigh, known to her clients as “Dr. Jenn,” has coined the term “hyenas” to describe the new phenomenon of sexually aggressive girls, taking as her model the female spotted hyena, which is far more aggressive than its male counterpart, right down to sexually explicit taunting. It is now not uncommon for girls to strong-arm boys for sex, and that includes oral sex. Some teenage girls even “collect” V cards (simply meaning virginity) to keep score of the number of boys they’ve deflowered. It’s a growing trend. Girls like the power and thrill of being a guy’s first, even if they don’t have any feelings for him.
As a result, boys feel more vulnerable and dismayed than ever. “Thirty percent of the guys I interviewed were depressed, anxious, and some even reported self-mutilating after giving up their virginity to a girl who didn’t value it. We do our boys a huge disservice by not talking about male virginity or their romantic, tender emotions about sex.” says Dr. Jenn. “Our boys are more than just their plumbing. Parents need to address their boys’ hearts and souls when they discuss sex with them.”
