My husband, my girlfriends, and I, have all talked about the adjustment to the “kids being back in the house.” There are the common issues of them staying up late, the noise, the messy rooms, the food, laundry, schedules changing, erratic plans, as well as the excitement of seeing them and their friends. Talking about this with each other didn’t change the feelings around these issues. It was difficult for every mom, each with her own issues as well as the common ones. The kids had gotten used to not needing to answer to any parental figures, and the parents were used to communicating from afar, as well as having their new beginnings and territory to themselves.
Similar concerns came up, especially regarding communicating out of respect about topics like “what time will you be home?” or, “just leave a message if you aren’t coming home.” Mothers asked, “what about the responsibilities at home like pitching in and making their own money?” And most of all, “what about time together for fun and getting a chance to reconnect?”
The answer is that there isn’t one. A new dance must be choreographed between each parent and child. I hope that it is unfolding with each family discussing issues as they come up, without holding onto unrealistic expectations and old solutions like, “you’re grounded.” Those tactics need to be put away, they are in college now.
Holding the boundaries that really affect your heart and lifestyle do matter, but at the same time, the family dynamic needs to adjust, go with the flow, and be aware of the kids’ major transition.
All of us are beginners and are willing to learn and make mistakes. Remember, just keep communication open and available. Essentially, my advice is to simplify! They may have known before to turn off the lights, but now when they don’t, it’s not out of disrespect, it’s that the light situation of the house is impossible to focus on. If they remember, great, if not, their heads are somewhere else. It can feel like they’re selfish or don’t care about what their parents give to them, but look at who our kids are. If they really were dealing with any resentment, they wouldn’t be showing it by manipulating the lights in the house.
