“To change one’s life: Start immediately. Do it flamboyantly. No exceptions.”—William James
Doesn’t that quotation sound like cheerleaders at half time? Well, some people leap into change to keep tears away. Some drop like lead in water. Others let themselves cry, rest, pause, meander, and unfold. There is no right or wrong way to handle change. When children are packing up and leaving, the whole family feels the change, even the pets.
My friend Amy called me and said that she was overeating, sleeping a lot, exercising less and making lists that could wallpaper a bedroom. She felt anxious and she was dreading having her daughter leave for college.
“I want to be upbeat and helpful for my daughter, but I can’t stop crying. I can’t stand the thought of coming back from her dorm and not having her at our dinner table for months.”
Separation is a transition. As parents, we are called upon to change our roles from manager to mentor as our children enter adulthood. We grieve while we’re driving, sitting in the den, shopping or watching movies. We miss the day-to-day connection with our children and mourn the end of innocence. We wonder if our children will be happy and whether we’ve prepared them well for the world. I’m sure you can add your own thoughts to this list when you imagine home without your children and their friends.
1. Write a list of all the things you love about parenting.
2. Write your child a note and include some inspiring quotations, jokes, photos, things you like about them, even four wishes, like … developing new relationships, discovering their passions, stepping outside their comfort zones, or treating themselves with kindness. Mail it to them a week after they leave.
3. Don’t come back home to an empty house. Put fresh flowers in a vase. Invite a friend over for dinner. Rent a movie. Make comfort food and freeze it before you go. Buy a book and set it beside your bed. Begin a journal. Ask a friend to call you to get you out of the house a couple days after you come back home.
