Tim Bete, best known for his association with the Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop, has just released a new book for pirate lovers everywhere. Guide to Pirate Parenting is the ticket to find out if your child is showing signs of being a pirate and what to do about it. Is it a bad thing to be a pirate? Let’s ask Tim and find out!
Q: Tim, thank you for this interview! First of all, are your kids pirates and how did you find out if they are?
A: Yes, all my kids are pirates. Our three-year-old is still in training. When she says, “I’ll give ye a taste of me hook,” she actually wants you to lick her hook. Here are some signs your child is becoming a pirate:
- When your child was born, he yelled, “I sail with the tide!”
- At the dinner table, your child has said, “I buried me treasure in the mashed potatoes.”
- Your child has nightmares about being attacked by another ship and finding that the gunpowder is wet and unusable.
- Your child told his teacher that he did his homework but it was eaten by a giant barracuda when the family’s ship wrecked on a carol reef near the Dry Tortugas.
But I’m proud my kids are pirates. It helps explain their behavior and their smell. Plus the family that plunders together, stays together!
Q: You have a co-author by the name of Cap’n Billy “The Butcher” MacDougall, am I correct?
A: That correct. But I’ll deny it during the trial.
Q: How did you become associated with him?
A: I met him at the Crow’s Nest Tavern while I was on vacation near the ocean. I asked him if he worked at a theme park. Real pirates don’t like it when you say those kinds of things. I offered to buy him a drink and he forgave me.
Q: Was it his idea to write this book or yours?
A: Cap’n Billy put his dagger next to my neck and told me I was going to write a book for him. He has a way of convincing people to see things his way. It’s the Captain’s dream that thousands of parents raise their little powder monkeys as pirates. Then he can put together a huge crew and plunder to his heart’s content. There’s nothing more exciting than sailing with Cap’n Billy, except maybe a merchant vessel full of gold.
