Parenting children is one of the most rewarding experiences you can have, but sometimes it’s just exhausting and totally frustrating. How do you get your child to cooperate? Brush her teeth at night? And basically just listen to you? It’s not easy. But there are some simple steps that will help you through this parenting maze and will result in keeping you sane and teaching your child the rules without yelling, screaming, and tearing your hair out.
Here are three words to remember: calm, clear, consistent.
Stay calm. Easier said than done. This doesn’t mean get all zen-like. In the heat of the moment, it’s hard to be calm. If your four-year-old is screaming that he won’t put his socks on and you have to get him to preschool, screaming back at him usually doesn’t help. If you’re both screaming at each other, the socks may get on, but how do you feel and what are you modeling for your child? Next time, take a deep breath. Step out of the room and take a minute to regain yourself. Remind yourself that you’re the parent. You’re in charge. Try not to get tangled in his tantrum.
Next, be clear. Be very clear. State clearly and firmly (without yelling) what you need your child to do. Look at your child at her level. That means getting down on your knees and looking at her in her eyes. Tell her to look at you, too. Now state clearly and firmly, “You need to brush your teeth now.” Don’t tell her why at this point. You’ve probably told her why a million times before. She knows she brushes her teeth at night. Just be clear and firm with the direction—you’ll be happy to help, if needed, but this must be done now. Sometimes we do a disservice to our kids by over processing everything. It’s nice to include them in the conversation and decision-making process, but parents need to remember that too much talking is just overloading them and distracting from the task at hand: brushing teeth. Simple, clear, and firm direction and tone work best.
