Are there rules about gifts for stepparents? Many of us are now “combined” families and are faced with this dilemma with our kids are in the middle. Our ex’s are still parts of our lives whether we like it or not. Then when we all add new spouses into the mix it gets even more complicated.
During my first marriage, I was the one that always made sure extended family had birthday cards, presents, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day ... etc. This habit continued even after the marriage ended, as our children were young and it had become I suppose routine. As the years passed it began to get to expensive and let’s face it—our lives move forward. Somehow sending some distant cousin a card that never sends one to you became a last priority and then ultimately the practice just stopped.
After remarrying, I reluctantly stepped into the “Step-Gifting” as I just found very little affirmation in buying a mother’s day card for a woman that only sees my kids only once a month. Sure, she is a great gal and I actually like her and appreciate her, but isn’t this a normal kind of weirdness? Why am I paying for this card or gift? Gifts for step-kids—of course! They are family! So—is this really just about a mother’s day card? No. Of course it is more complicated.
My new husband was shocked to learn that I had continued buying Father’s Day and Mother’s Day cards for my ex’s parents for almost three years after we separated and then divorced. He had divorced when his son was tiny, so he never did this. My first reaction was perhaps it was a “guy” thing. Then I started asking around to discover that I was not the only one with this dilemma.
My husband left it up to the man that took his wife from him to buy her birthday presents, Mother’s Day cards and so forth. This worked until his son got old enough to want to buy his mom something special “just from him” and of course this meant that he’d be footing the bill. It is hard to look into those eyes and say “NO” because you realize that the kid really wants to do something nice for his mom and then you have to get over your anger and give in.
