When it comes to forming a bond with grandchildren across county and state lines, calling little Annie to ask, “How was your day at school?” won’t suffice. Using a phone for anything other than texting and photographing is a Hannah Montana-generation horror. You may receive a few grudging moments of attention between soccer practice, homework, and a text message from her BFF that makes her LOL. But those distracted moments will provide little insight into how Annie is really feeling.
If hope for a strong bond with far-away grandchildren seems bleak, you may not be alone. According to a 2002 AARP report, approximately 50 percent of grandparents live more than 200 miles from their grandchildren.
But long-distance grandparents should not be discouraged. The role grandparents play in providing “a sense of continuity beyond the immediate household in which the child lives, continuity over time, across generations, and geographically... apply whatever the distance,” says Dr. Douglas A. Kramer. A clinical professor of psychiatry at the University of Wisconsin School of Medicine and Public Health in Madison. Dr. Kramer is also a member of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry (AACAP).
Engaging grandchildren in creative activities can provide a forum in which long-distance grandparents can play a meaningful role. Dr. Kramer, who has two toddler-age grandchildren, one of whom is about to move to Europe, uses an online site to maintain a family photo album and videos. (Check out our Picture Box, which lets you collect and store photos privately. Click here to find out more.)
“The fact that they’re doing activities loosens up grandchildren so that they are more forthcoming... [which] leads to a stronger bonding process,” says Doug Hewitt. With his wife, Robin, Hewitt coauthored The Joyous Gift of Grandparenting (Hatherleigh Press, May 2008), a handbook designed to offer advice and practical lessons for grandparents faced with the modern-day realities of grandparenting.
While Hewitt, who has five grandchildren, points out that children’s lives change quickly, and long-distance grandparents might feel at a loss when trying to keep up with the day-to-day details, the rewards of sharing activities can last a lifetime.
Dr. Geri Fox is a professor of clinical psychiatry at the University of Illinois at Chicago and a member of the AACAP. Dr. Fox watched her daughter’s interest in art blossom through a long-distance relationship with her artist-grandmother. Her daughter would write letters and illustrate pictures and mail them to Grandma, who would have the images reproduced on T-shirts and stationery.
“My daughter really felt that her art was encouraged and valued, and she is now doing art in college,” says Dr. Fox.
Here are additional ways to keep the bond going with your long-distance grandchildren:
