Parents can only give advice or put children on the right paths, but the final forming of a person’s character lies in their own hands. –Anne Frank
Children, when given the proper direction, can and should learn to speak for themselves. Can you recall a playgroup when your toddler and another child couldn’t play nice and the “well-meaning” mom who was always trying to “fix” everything? The flip side is the parent who never steps in to correct bad behavior; not what I am encouraging here. Yes, we parents should make sure that children, especially younglings, aren’t putting themselves or others in harms way, but there comes a time when grown-ups need to take a giant step back and let the kids figure things out.
From time to time, children have difficulties at school and it never fails that a parent will run to school and try to “fix” everything, by-passing the child altogether. I wonder how the child feels when he suddenly has no voice and no opportunity to learn the very important life-skill of problem solving. Do parents need to sometimes get involved? Absolutely. Some issues should involve parents, but the daily challenges of missed homework, difficulty mastering the new math equation, and so and so is bothering me is something the child can probably handle on his own. Give the child the opportunity to work through it and if that doesn’t work, then Mom, Dad feel free to jump in. When children learn how to work through life’s challenges, they will succeed in life. After all Mom and Dad won’t always be there to “fix” it, better learn now.
What is the appropriate age to encourage independence? As early as possible. By about the third grade if not sooner, we encouraged our kids to follow up with teachers about missed work, etc. Yes, we could have sent notes or emails to the teachers, but our children needed to realize that it was their responsibility not ours. Sometimes we had to remind them, but in the end they handled the issue. Independence is great for self esteem – never do for your child what he can do for himself.
