We live in a time when so many of our kids are in childcare, and while there is a modicum of research that tells us that childcare is not detrimental to our children, it is well known that the people who care for our children can have a profound influence on our children for the rest of their lives.
I qualify caregivers as childcare workers from infancy through toddlerhood: in-home nannies, family members, and even educators. There are many qualified, well-meaning people who help care for children every day at many ages of our children’s development.
As parents, many of us have our ideas of what we feel is in the best interest of our child and how we want them raised. It is our hope that those caring for our children are of like mind and will espouse those similar beliefs, attitudes, and qualities. But, when it comes down to it, we are at the mercy of those who care for our kids when we are not present.
So what happens when your childcare is undermining or not consistent with the structure that you work to define with your children?
Many of us have seen the nightmares of childcare workers abusing children, and this is a true tragedy that can have long-term impacts, but there are more subtle yet still long-term consequences that can occur when the people who care for and/or educate our children are passive-aggressively defying, manipulating, and/or disregarding rules that we have put in place.
From my years of experience I can tell you that there are many times that parents’ behavior by itself can contribute to many behavioral and emotional problems of children, so I am not trying to let anyone off the hook. There are many other situations when there is a combination of parent and childcare issues, and some problems where it is only a childcare issue.
What are the types of problems I am talking about?
- Lack of reinforcement or inconsistent reinforcement of behaviors and limits. Whether it is not wanting to get dressed, comb their hair, take a nap, or more disruptive behaviors like aggression or disrespect, if a caregiver does not set limits and you do, this can lead to tantrums and limit-testing, resulting in your child having more consequences and frustration with you.
