Let’s get it all out on the table right now. You will make a comment about your wife’s bizarre food cravings (fifty straight days of cheese quesadillas for lunch). You will picture your child’s head in the midst of lovemaking. (Are you sure he can’t see anything coming at him?) You will ask you partner, “Why are you crying?” (The answer is usually, “I don’t know!”)
No matter how much you talk to other people, read books, and go through scenarios in your mind, you will not succeed in keeping your anxieties about impending fatherhood from making you do and say things you would not normally do or say. The good thing is that you are not alone in this pregnancy journey. Your partner will also do and say strange things because her body has been overtaken in much the same way as two versions of the sci-fi classic Invasion of the Body Snatchers has shown.
And while you can and should talk everything out with the woman carrying your progeny, you may still have some very specific, male-oriented concerns that can best be quelled by the perspective of other guys who have been through it. Since most fellas still find it hard to share their worries with other Y chromosomal types, here’s a primer to ten of the biggest concerns to soothe your bundle of nerves.
Am I useless?
Contrary to what your high-school coach might have told you about your value to the team, you are essential to both your partner and your baby even after you’ve done your part for conception. Your partner needs you to communicate with her pretty much everyday about how she’s feeling about the pregnancy and motherhood. She requires your help when she gets morning sickness and your willingness to slow down the pace of your life when she’s just not up to going out dancing with your group of friends.
Your baby needs you to talk to it—yes, through your partner’s belly. Research shows that a baby recognizes the most commonly heard voices it has heard in the womb. More importantly, your child wants you to develop a fatherly connection to it so that when it pops out, you already have a relationship, even if it seems a little one-sided for a while. Without your efforts in these areas, pregnancy for your partner and child will be more stressful and less fulfilling.
Is it okay to feel jealous?
There’s another issue that tucks into the “useless” feeling and that involves jealousy. Many men experience envy over the attention their partners receive while being pregnant. They feel neglected by others who always seem to ask the woman how she’s doing. As strange as it may sound, some men wish they could be the ones carrying the child, to experience the joy of childbearing. Whatever the color of the jealousy, it’s normal and is best tempered by talking the feelings out with the partner, friends, family (particularly your own father, if possible), and following some of the advice given in the paragraph above.
