I had a client who was frustrated about having no time. We did a Day Dump exercise, and we could plainly see why. Her daughter was involved in nine extra-curricular activities. Yes, nine! Every night, my client drove her daughter from activity to activity. With the activities came the volunteering, donating, buying. She was not only exhausted, but nearly broke, literally, with no time or money for herself. She clearly didn’t use the word “No” to her daughter!
At first, she argued that I didn’t understand. She said, to be competitive, her daughter had to be involved in all of these things. She also said it would break her daughter’s heart to remove her from any of the activities, so my client would do what she had to do to keep her involved in all nine. I understood, really. And I told my client that she knows in her heart what’s best for her and her family. If being involved in nine activities was best, who am I to tell her differently?
But, then, my client fought the case against herself. She wanted her daughter to realize she can’t always get everything, she wanted her to learn how hard she has to work for the money to participate in these activities, and she wanted her daughter to realize that other people are important, too. And soon after, we were using the red pen, starting a money-earning program for her daughter, and amping up my client’s time!
Not surprisingly, her daughter was fine with the changes. She was tired of running around, too, but didn’t want to let her mother down by quitting! All of that worry, if only they just communicated, right?
If you are feeling crunched to the limit, figure out how you can eliminate some things, or create alternate plans. If driving all over is leaving you time-crunched, maybe start a carpool with another family. If an activity is really important, keep it, but find a way to make it work for everyone involved.
“No” is a little word with big impact. If you can learn to say “No,” you will change your life. I’m not telling you to stop helping people, to turn into a selfish chick who would rather go to the spa than volunteer at the Brownie’s bake sale! Oh, I couldn’t imagine the look on your daughter’s face! Some things only happen once, and they shouldn’t be given up without good reason.
Don’t sacrifice your potential for a promotion at work because you have to sneak out early to get home and catch Oprah. As a good as it is, invest in a TIVO! But, if your boss expects you to work until midnight, and your sleep deprivation is leading to sloppy results, you have a case for “No!” No one in the company will benefit from your exhaustion, especially you.
If you are always the “go-to gal” for PTA party planning, and it lost its allure to you, gracefully decline. If your hearts not in it, the party won’t be as fun anyway! Sometimes fresh, new volunteers will mix it up and everyone will be better off! Not selfish—it’s actually selfless because all with benefit!
The power of “No” lies in the way we use it. Here’s the deal: if we say “No” for purely selfish reasons, it might not be so powerful. Here are three rules to keep in mind when saying “No”:
1. “No” shouldn’t be a close-ended sentence in some instances, because it can turn people off to you, and then you’ll get nowhere with them. Saying “No” while suggesting a solution is far more impactful.
2. We have to say “No” for reasons that really matter. And, only you know what matters and what doesn’t, so be open and honest with yourself.
3. Saying “No” isn’t limited to other people. You may have to say “No” to yourself, too! If you keep thinking about something that is just impossible to do right now, eliminate it from your brain, or it will drain you! Remember, “It’s All in the Attitude”.
There is an art to saying “no,” and when you learn it, you will definitely free up more time. When you’re happy, everyone around you is, too!
