Her line of thinking was that the lessons to be gleaned in independent learning should be the primary motivator in determining how involved a parent should be with their high schooler’s homework. It was decided (by her) that my extensive involvement—in spite of the fact that it was initiated and encouraged by the educators—was actually worsening the situation. I should have, instead, allowed Jonathan to flunk out with no input or consequences from me. Then, he would be left to learn from the consequences of his actions, or lack thereof.
I completely disagreed (and still do, for the record), and for various reasons. Primarily, I couldn’t imagine what in the hell I was supposed to do with him if he was allowed to flunk out of school. Would I have been expected to support him? Or, God forbid, kick him out into the world with no support whatsoever? Furthermore, and another question she could not answer despite her rigid stance, what in the world would she have had me say to the school administrators who initiated and encouraged my involvement? Sorry, but it’s not my job to help my son succeed at school. If I don’t cut him loose now, I’ll never be free of the responsibility. I’m sorry, but I just can’t swallow it.
I only raised one child, and I believe firmly that I was exactly the parent he and I determined I needed to be to get the job done. We had our failures and our successes, but through it all, we were a team.
Today he is approaching a turn in the Armed Forces and looking forward to entering a career in law enforcement down the road. Sometimes he thanks me for pushing him, and constantly reminding him that the world wasn’t just about him, even when he wanted it to be.
