TWM: How can we be helpful to a caregiver we know?
LG: How many times have you said or heard, “Let me know if I can do anything to help you”? The truth is when someone’s in a real crisis, they can’t even figure out the answer to hello, much less the words that make enough sense to give you direction about how to help them. So what I tell people is show up, step up and offer up something—anything! Walk the dog, open the mail, make a meal, burn a CD of music, do something but don’t wait for them to tell you what they need. On the other hand caregivers; it is a good idea to have a list so that if someone does ask you what you need, you can be very purposeful about it.
The main advice that I give people is when someone’s hurting, don’t try to talk them out of their pain. Acknowledge their hurt and allow them to feel it. Yes, there may be someone in the world who hurts more, maybe the loved one who died is in a better place … those things don’t really matter at the moment of greatest grief impact. What matters is the pain of this very moment. Yes, perhaps there’s a great lesson in the suffering but for now, allow them just to feel that pain. It can be most helpful just to have someone bear witness to our hurt.
Photo courtesy of The Well Mom. Originally published on The Well Mom.
