The time-out I’m referring to here is not a punishment because we’ve misbehaved. It’s a reinforcement to help us remember that our personal well-being is just as important as our children’s well-being. This time out is pure pleasure, a break from our busy day. It’s a self-issued permission slip to sit down and put our feet up, or lay down and rest, read a good book, walk in the woods, or engage in our favorite creative pursue—without guilt. Time-out’s, taken regularly throughout our days, can provide us with a greater sense of inner peace, and personal harmony. Time-outs are a very good thing!
I’m reminded of a young mother I met a few years ago who decided she needed to take a time-out and get away by herself to restore her rapidly dwindling sanity. (She was under thirty and had six children—she deserved one!) She registered for a weekend retreat I was offering at a women’s center on the lake shore. The weekend was full of opportunities to grow, self-nurture, relax, and have fun with other women. It included massage, a winery tour, and a movie night. Leslie checked in on Friday night, came out for meals at the appropriate times, then headed right back to her room after each one. On Sunday morning, she emerged, suitcases packed, and profusely apologized for her lack of participation in the retreat. Tearfully, she shared that this had been the best weekend of her entire life because she had done exactly what she wanted to do—sleep!
My hope is that none of us will ever teeter on the brink of exhaustion as this woman had. Thankfully, she had the good sense to recognize that she needed a time-out, and she gave one to herself. The key to being present to ourselves begins in exactly this way. Begin where you are, with the amount of time you can realistically give yourself, and build upon that. Perhaps it’s only twenty minutes of me time a day. That’s alright. It’s a beginning. Schedule in me time, if need be; record it in your day planner. We schedule in everything else of importance: mammograms, dental visits, even the family vacation. Why not schedule in time to be well spent with ourselves?
As we become more aware of our own needs and give ourselves permission to attend to them, we begin to function from a new place within ourselves. This place is a place of peace, rather than overwhelm, because we have slowed down enough to hear the voice of our own needs. It is a place of gentleness, because we have treated ourselves more kindly through self-nurturing practices that satisfy those needs. As a result, we are more peaceful, gentle, and patient. Now the next leg of the journey can begin—being fully present to the children we love so very much …
