Working parents, desperate to make up for the hours away from their children, feel compelled to make every moment together “quality time.” However, as all you working moms well know, quality time can be a challenge. You are tired and stressed from work. Kids may be cranky during the time you scheduled for bonding. And somebody has to go to the grocery store, pick up the dry cleaning and vacuum.
So what is the secret to finding that QT?
I asked an Atlanta attorney with two young children how she does it, and also got advice from an expert, Linda Goodman Pillsbury, author of Survival Tips for Working Moms.
The Working Mom: Tracye Miller has a two-year-old son and a baby girl. She and her husband both work full time. She admits she struggles with the same guilt as every other working mother. But she also has worked out routines to ensure she and her husband get quality time with the kids. Each weekend day, for instance, they start the day with breakfast at one of their favorite spots, then try to give their kids an experience. It can be as simple as feeding ducks at a park or visiting a local playground. In the evenings, they may go out on a date, but not until the kids are in bed. They often make dinner reservations as late as at 9 p.m. so they don’t miss the bedtime rituals of brushing teeth and reading books.
During the week, she gets up early and looks for simple ways to interact with her children. She and her son, who is car crazy, will look through the newspaper for pictures of cars.
“If you work full time, you need every minute you can get,” Miller says, adding that she squeezes in things for herself, such as exercise and haircuts, during her lunch break.
Does she ever get tired? Of course, she says, but she tries to stay focused on her kids.
“No matter how fatigued I am, I look for my inner strength and pull it out,” she says.
The Expert: Goodman Pillsbury suggests turning everyday tasks into quality time. Need to clean the house? Crank up music and teach little ones how to sweep. It may take twice as long as doing it yourself, but you are teaching your children life skills and spending time with them. Cooking together is another way to bond.
Goodman Pillsbury also puts stock in sitting down to dinner together, which teaches social skills and builds family cohesion. Another great ritual is reading before bedtime. Turn off the phone and focus during that chunk of time, she says.
“This tells your child he or she is important,” Goodman Pillsbury says.
She also thinks mothers should allow themselves to go “off-duty” once the kids are in bed. Watch television, read a book or take a bath. Don’t stay up until 10 p.m. working on a project for your child’s school. “You need time to rejuvenate yourself,” she says.
