No one had ever stayed so long, that's for sure. I even turned off the TV, the DVD player, I turned down the lights, and yet, my guests never budged. They never looked around as if waking from a sleepy hollow dream to say, “Huh that must mean us.” I didn't know what else to do. So I went upstairs, turned on the TV and lay on my bed. I had put my daughter to bed an hour before; they kissed her cheeks and wished her good night. OK, so this couple was my parents, however, what do you do when the night is seriously over, and your guests don't have a clue? On the one hand, I couldn't help but to feel, wow, I really must have outdone myself with dinner, the plates were licked clean, they loved the during meal movie, the dessert was intoxicating. The evening is so wonderful, they don't want to leave. But it’s way past my bedtime, I am done with the entertaining part of this day, and my bed is screaming at me. And, at my guests; GO HOME!
Of course, your immediate family aside, and those certain friends that your momma raised as her own, well they don't need to be told about the door's location, and the hell with them, you'd just go ahead and turn the lights off. However, what's the protocol for those in all other categories? Both the host and the objects on their removal wish list would find it so much more comfortable if the visitors got the hint on their own, kind of like that old movies move where the yawn with outstretched arm is a thinly disguised desire to hold onto the person sitting next to you, you don't want to scare or offend them, but uh…you know it's coming, so, either move or it's gonna go down...so, why are you asking me "What are you doing?" Everybody knows. HINT, HINT. GO HOME!
Now, there are times when leaving isn't an option, like an inebriated guest, or someone who’s had a fallout with a house mate or significant other, and needs a crashing place for a night. And that last phrase needs to be clarified with the light of day, preferably the one that's coming up next... However, these sub categories would have been discovered and identified long before the point that I'm bringing up here, I am talking, that desperate feeling of unreality bordering on hysteria, GO HOME!
This is the time to bring out the “Well, I've had a really nice time,” as you stand, that's because you were standing, and your legs gave out so you sat back down, and now you're up again, and now you say, “but I really need to (fill in the blank) and so I need to get to bed.” At this point you could be walking toward the door, and open it while you're still talking. But, what if no one followed you? I think here, I would hold the door open and start breaking into a sort of filibuster hoping to bore the guests, or tenant wannabees into running for the shelter of the vehicle that they brought to your house, all those hours ago. However, upon pondering that, if they were so susceptible to bland banter, you would have noticed it, and used it to chase them off long before this. What if you were to go out the door? Perhaps curiosity would prevail, and were you to keep talking, the new additions to your home might come to the door to better hear what you were sharing, and at some point, you could double back around, therefore, coming back into the house, leaving them on the sidewalk. At this point, let's hope that you managed to pick up any belongings your people might have brought with them, because at no cost do you want them to come back inside to collect anything, as some sort of clock might be reset, and there you'd be, faced with guests for breakfast. No, no, better at this point to have really thought on your feet, and hand the possessions through the screen if you’re lucky, or through a four or five-inch crack in the door that you are fairly sheltered behind. I believe that it would be helpful at this point to have the manual chain lock in place. Now, make sure that keys are included in this transfer, as that will be the first thing that they'll be looking for once they realize your ruse. All this time, you are smiling, talking, and nodding your head.
