Circus Peanuts
It doesn’t get much more bland than circus peanuts, which are marshmallows shaped like peanuts and dyed a strange orange color. (One person surveyed likened it to “flesh-colored,” which is even more disturbing.) According to Wikipedia, this candy was created in the 1800s. Since then, many exciting advancements have been made in the sweets industry—step it up a notch and leave circus peanuts in the past.
Malt Balls
The chocolate coating and spherical shape trick many into thinking something delicious lies inside, but one bite past the chocolate coating gives way to … powdered milk. It tastes grainy, slightly tangy, and is usually tossed aside by kids in favor of Milk Duds or Junior Mints. Plus, they’re awfully crunchy and therefore difficult for younger kids to eat.
Non-Candy
Sure, kids like toys and they last longer than a piece of chocolate, but the kinds of toys people are prone to freely hand out on Halloween—plastic spider rings, pumpkin-shaped erasers, etc.—aren’t so appropriate to play with once the holiday is over. Most are small enough that they’ll just get lost anyway, and with minimal enjoyment from the kids. Even worse than those things, however, are small handfuls of pennies or assorted loose change—just don’t go there.
Jujubes
Does anyone else think that Jujubes are just a poor man’s gummy bear? They have a tougher texture and tend to stick to teeth more, which alone makes them a bad choice for kids. More importantly (from a child’s perspective), they’re just not that fun to eat. Gummy bears and worms have a similar “fruit” flavor, are softer, and involve more creative shapes. Kids have more fun biting the heads off gummy bears than trying to get Jujube residue out of their molars.
Baked Goods
The intention is admirable (who doesn’t love homemade goodies?), but most paranoid parents won’t let their trick-or-treaters eat anything sans wrapper. Giving kiddies scrumptious-looking cookies or cupcakes that their parents will toss into the trash immediately upon returning home is just cruel. Photo source: StarMama (cc)
Peanut Butter Kisses
Most people know these candies as “that nasty, peanut butter chew in the orange and black wax wrappers.” It took me twenty minutes of Google-ing just to find a description beyond that! These gross, generic-looking candies made almost everyone’s giveaway pile as kids. Even the red and white striped mints might be a better alternative to this candy.
It may seem silly to put so much effort into pleasing youngsters when they come knocking at our doors, demanding something sweet. But try to remember what it was like when we were young and Halloween rolled around—how eager we were to prance around at night and the giddy anticipation of what yummy treats awaited us. (Conversely, let us not forget the toilet paper and egg-filled wrath of some of the angrier kids.) Children only have so many years to be excited by such simple things and to indulge in what makes them happy with none of that pesky, adult-onset guilt to bring them down. So don’t be afraid to go the extra mile just to make someone’s Halloween extra special—it can be a real treat.
