Most people don’t want their house to look like a used-toy warehouse, but when it comes down to getting rid of the clutter, they just can’t let go. Why is it that we cling to items of no apparent value? Here are three reasons why people hang on to things: grief, thrift and denial. But first, a short story.
Laura’s story...
Twenty-three years ago, when I was sixteen years old, my mom passed away. She was forty-six. Reality set in very quickly when my Grandma told my brother and me that we could take anything we wanted from the house. One of the first places I wandered into that day was my mom’s bedroom. There sat her purse, a reminder that “you can’t take it with you when you go.” Seeing my mom’s purse that day could not have been a bigger eye-opener for me. Although, I could've “taken” anything I wanted from my mom’s house to my dad’s house—to me it was just “stuff.” The memories were in a few precious things that I eventually kept—such as our pictures, my mom’s recipes, our Christmas ornaments, some of her piano music, (she was a piano teacher), and some of her jewelry.
I don’t miss any of the other stuff, because after all, I have those few special treasures that I will always cherish—those that give me the greatest memory.
Why do I tell you this story? Because I had the opportunity to hang on to so many things that I did not “need” that would just take up space and that I would probably never use.
Grieving
A very common reason for clinging to “things” is because often those things remind us of someone who is no longer in our life. We save souvenirs from trips we took with ex-boyfriends/girlfriends, deceased spouses, or relatives who have passed on.
Why do we hold on to these items so tenaciously?
Part of the answer is that they hold precious memories of the past. We project the meaning of those memories onto objects from those time periods or vacations. The other part of the answer is that we are still in the process of grieving.
Solution:
There are a few things that can help us facilitate the grieving process and encourage organization and healthy living. First, we can remind ourselves, that the meaning is in the memory, not the memorabilia.
Second, we can slowly begin the purging process, keeping a few very special treasures. Begin by going through just a few things at a time and allow yourself to re-live the memory, but agree that not everything with the memory will need to be kept. Do this every so often until the amount of treasures you are keeping are manageable.
Lastly, we can simply move old memorabilia into storage until we feel emotionally able to deal with it. Removing the memorabilia from our everyday lives is a good way of facilitating healing.
Thrift
Many people refuse to throw something out because they believe that it will be useful someday. This is especially true with things that can potentially be turned into art or home-improvement projects, such as old out-dated fabrics, furniture, and other craft supplies.
It is perfectly fine to save a few things in hopes of someday re-cycling them. Problems arise when we want to save everything. In most homes, there simply isn’t room to hold on to everything.
Solution:
There are a few things you can do to minimize clutter of this origin. First, keep one storage box that you designate for future crafts. Second, if you can’t think
of something specific you want to do with the re-cycled item, throw it out. It will never be used, it will only collect dust. Last, if you don’t use the item in three months, donate it. We often have good intentions, but nothing to show for them.
Denial
How many of us hold on to old clothing because we believe that we will one day wear them again? Many people hang on to outfits that are the wrong size or from a different era. What we don’t realize is that these items of clothing that we cling most dearly to will not be in-style by the time they fit again. In the end, they take up valuable space in your closet, making it difficult to see those items you wear regularly.
Solution:
Toss or donate clothes that don’t fit you, or that haven’t been worn in the last year. If you need some sort of motivation for dieting, save one pair of “skinny pants.” Special occasion items can be kept for more than a year—but try to keep in mind that they will go out of style and you’ll want something new to wear anyway.
These are only a few of the reasons people hang on to clutter, there are surely many more. I encourage you to look at what you are holding onto and decide if it’s just “stuff” or a cherished treasure.
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