It’s January 4th, and I’ve already broken two of my resolutions: to quit smoking and to stay on Nutrisystem until I lose all the weight I need to lose.
Quitting smoking is going to be the biggest challenge. I’ve smoked for twenty-one years and I like to smoke, despite all the health care issues about smoking. I’m an RN, my husband is a Respiratory Therapist. We both have seen more than a few people die from cancer and emphysema. I myself have lung disease, probably related to Lupus, which I was diagnosed with in 1994. I know I have to quit. I have an eleven year old son and he reminds me of when I was his age and my mother, who was a two-pack a day smoker, begged me to never try smoking. Ironically, I started in nursing school, where my circle of friends were mostly smokers and I just picked up the habit. Back then, you could smoke in the nurse’s lounge. Now, most hospitals even make their parking lots smoke free, and my husband has to sneak a smoke at work in his car, out in the freezing cold.
I, on the other hand, am disabled and basically homebound. I can smoke whenever I want to. We figured out that smoking was costing us about $600 a month, money we need to pay bills. I have two packs of Nicoderm patches on my bedside table, and I look at them every night, wondering when I’ll start using them. I wake up in the morning with the mindset of quitting, but for some reason, the feeling passes and I reach for the pack of cigarettes instead.
I tried Chantix, the new stop-smoking medication. I became hostile and homicidal. I actually threatened to kill my husband with a temperature probe used for cooking. I knew then that Chantix wasn’t in the cards for me. I actually tried it three times; two times I ended up in the ICU on a ventilator with massive pneumonia. I’m not sure if there is a connection between the Chantix and pneumonia, but I swore of Chantix at that point.
Last month, I asked my internist for a prescription for Wellbutrin, which was a popular stop-smoking medication in the 1990s. I took it for two nights and on the second night, I woke up with a horrible migraine headache and a focal seizure. I stopped taking the medication and had another focal seizure the next night. After that, no more headaches or seizures. I called my internist, who told me I did the right thing. So much for that.
I had tried the patches before, when I was a flight RN. I got a migraine that came on suddenly when I was at the back of the helicopter loading a patient. I almost walked into the tail rotor. That was the end of the patches. I can’t do the gum, because of TMJ problems, and my dentist said not to use the lozenges because I have Sjogren’s Syndrome, which causes severe dryness of my mouth and the lozenges could do damage to my teeth. So what now?
I’ve been praying a lot and asking God for strength to quit. It will improve my health and lessen the chance that my son will smoke. Both my parents smoked, as did my husbands. All but one of my husband’s siblings smoke, but my brother does not. He is allergic to smoke and when I went to his house, I was having a smoke on the front porch, even in sub-zero weather. It sounds so stupid in writing. But nicotine is a drug and I have to face the fact that I’ll go through withdrawal, even with the patches.
The second resolution I broke was Nutrisytem. Frankly, I’m tired of the meal selections and so many have mushrooms in them, and I’m deathly allergic to mushrooms. Those dinners go to my son, who loves them. But he’s not overweight. Plus there’s the price. Nutrisystem provides the meals, but not the side dishes, such as salads and fruits. Add it up and it’s quite expensive. I ordered my last shipment that arrived today. I still have a cupboard full of meals and last month’s shipment, still in it’s box in the foyer. I know what I need to do to lose weight. I was on Weight Watchers in 1988 and lost forty-three pounds and kept it off until I became pregnant with my son in 1998. Small portions and healthy foods. And exercise. I do physical therapy in the pool at my health club three times a week. Right now, that’s all I can do. Plus walking on my treadmill. I can only walk for five minutes right now, but I know that if I persist, I’ll walk further and further.
